In Fates Hands
by BlackDiamond15
Summary: That one vision changed everything, Alice stumbled into the Cullen's family distraught, empty and alone. That one vision meant Alice thought Jasper was dead, that he was never coming back. Now seven decades later, how will she cope when she finds out she's been wrong all this time?
1. Chapter 1

**In Fates Hands**

**AN- This is an idea that has been at the back of my mind for a while now, and refused to leave me alone until it had been written down. I've tried my best with spelling and grammar, but it isn't a strong point so i'll apologise in advance For any mistakes**

**Disclaimer- I do not own Twilight **

**Edward's POV**  
Alice was lying, curled up on the sofa, hands clamped tightly around her head. This posture had become all too familiar over the past few months. It meant that she was blocking her visions again.

I looked over at Bella who nodded and took a sleeping Renesmee from my arms and headed towards the kitchen. The stale scent that filled the house told me Esme had been baking for my daughter again.

I walked over to my sister and picked her up, carefully placing her in my lap. I tucked her head under my chin and slowly loosened the hands that were pulling at her ebony spikes. What was only an uncomfortable pulse in my own head must have been agonising for her. We both knew she could stop it if she wanted to "If you stopped blocking them it would stop hurting."

She'd started blocking some of her visions not long after she joined the family in 1937 and to this day, not even I fully understood why. She never even thought about why she blocked them. However, I don't think she was blocking them from me, but herself. "No it wouldn't." She cried

She whimpered before crying out and pressing her face against my shoulder. "Shhhh, think about something else." Her fingers curled around the collar of my shirt as she tried to direct her mind to something else. My mind went back to the day she'd, quite literally, stumbled through our door.

We'd been living in North Dakota at the time. I'd been picking up snippets of foreign thoughts all day but nothing was coherent, I'd passed it off as a hunter in the forest. That was until I'd heard a knock at the door and come downstairs to find the dark haired vampire draped in Esme's arms.

Her eyes had been dull burgundy and half dazed,her clothes dirty and ripped. Her thoughts had been like reading two minds at once, and from what I could gather one had been about a minute and a half in front of the other, in the future. She'd sobbed quietly as Esme held her, shocked.

Esme had called for Carlisle the second the young girl had collapsed, at her stunned cry Rosalie and Emmett had also gathered at the base of the stairs. Carlisle looked to me for answers. "She has a gift, I think" I'd told him still not believing that even an immortal could see the future. "She's lost control of it."

Esme had carried her over to the sofa in the living room, lying her down gently. She'd started whimpering and clung desperately to Esme's hand. "Don't leave, please." She had pleaded. Esme had stroked her hair trying to comfort her but nothing seemed to work. She was still in two minds, one was in the present and the other had showed her cradled in my lap. 'Edward I'm scared.' Her mind whispered. I'd been shocked that she knew my name but when I'd concentrated I'd realised she knew everyone's.

She'd been frightened of being left alone, of being rejected. There'd also something else, something she'd been trying not to think about, there'd been flashes but they were too quick for me to make sense of. "Make it stop." She'd cried. With her gift overpowering her it had been a complete metal overload.

I'd sat down by her feet and asked my mother to pass her to me. Esme had done as I asked and I'd cradled the nameless girl in my lap "Edward I'm scared" her words an exact copy of the vision in her head. The others had looked at me shocked when she spoke my name.

"Who else lives here?" I'd asked quietly trying to focus her mind on one thing.

"Carlisle, Esme, Rosalie, Emmett."

"What's Carlisle do?"

The second mind had fluttered slightly "Carlisle's a doctor, he works at the hospital"

I'd stroked her back lightly. "Well done, do you know about my gift?"  
She'd nodded her head against my shoulder 'You can read minds' she had answered in her thoughts. I'd chuckled softly.

"That's right" She'd been confused about what I was doing but continued to answer my questions. Gradually that second string of thoughts had disappeared. "What's your name?" I'd asked as I lifted her off my lap. She kept hold of my arm and rested her head on my shoulder.

"Alice." She'd whispered. Closing her eyes.

"She can see the future" I'd told the rest of the family, who looked on in awe. "She was stuck about a minute and a half in front of everyone else." I'd turned to look at her "how long were you like that?"

She sat up slightly. "Five days, a week... I'm not sure how long it took me to get here." She'd said as she pulled her ripped cardigan over her bare shoulders.

"Where'd you come from?"

"Mississippi" she'd murmured, her mind hazing again. I shook her slightly.

"Stay with us Alice" she'd blinked rapidly

"Sorry" her mind wandered easily, I saw images of things that had already passed, things that she couldn't have seen if it wasn't for her gift. She'd been looking for us for a long time. Every once and a while she'd push images back before I could see them.

"What triggered it in the first place?" I'd questioned.

Her eyes widened and she'd pulled away from me, standing up and walking over to the window. "Nothing." Her voice broke, she'd sounded close to tears if it were possible. More images flashed and again she tried to force them away. Her hand had reached for her throat as her thirst came to the forefront of her mind. I heard Carlisle's mental worry when he noticed.

"It's fine." I'd told him "she's vegetarian" Her red eyes had flashed in my families mind "She slipped, but she hasn't fed since before she lost control of her gift" Alice's mental battle was still going on so she hadn't been listening to the rest of us.

"Take her hunting" Carlisle had told me. Watching her with concern. I'd nodded and moved to take her hand. My fingers had barely brushed hers before she'd spun teeth bared and a snarl ripped through her throat.

She'd snapped out of it less than a second later but it was long enough for me to make out a woman with fierce red eyes and long, brown, flowing hair and something else, a tall dark shadow. I could tell it was male by his large torso and broad shoulders.

Alice had pushed the image away with an agonised whimper, backing away against the wall, sinking to the floor and wrapping her arms around her legs sobbing again. None of us knew what to do, we hardly knew her, we didn't know what had gotten her in such a state. We didn't know how to help. All we could do was make a feeble offer to take her hunting, to help clear her head.

That had been nearly seven decades ago. We never did find out what happened to her, to be honest, we were frightened to mention it in case it set her off again. We had taken her in, looked after her, given her a room and some new clothes. She gratefully accepted them.

Alice had helped us as well, using her talent to warn us of any threats from sunny weather to visiting nomads to curious humans. She also learned to play the stock markets and earn money for the family, but she was also another loving daughter to Carlisle and Esme. She'd given me a sister, someone who understood my gift as well as her own. She was my best friend, keeping me company when I would otherwise have been alone. After the initial suspicion from the family that we would become a couple, it became apparent that neither of us saw each other that way.

She'd helped me though my struggle with Bella, saving me when I ran off to Italy without a second thought, training us for the newborn battle with knowledge we still didn't know how she'd gained. We'd asked her and she'd snapped, telling us it didn't matter as long as it worked. When the Volturi came for Renesmee, she'd left on her own to find someone like her, she saved my daughter.

She was loved dearly by everyone despite her quiet and reserved personality. However since that day in 1937 you could tell something was troubling her, something was missing. Even in a family as large as our own, she was lonely.

I looked down at the small girl in my arms, her eyes screwed shut in pain. She'd had episodes like this since we met her. Sometimes they were just a dull throb in the back of her head, but sometimes they were really bad like today. They left her crying out and mentally exhausted. Whatever she was trying so hard to block was demanding attention, yet she still battled against it. These kind of episodes were becoming more common and none of us knew why, the only relief she got these days was during Jacob's visits.

She sighed heavily, the pain was still there but she was less panicked. I just hoped one day that we'd find a way to stop it, or that she'd tell us enough to help her. "Thank you Edward." She murmured. Her head lay lightly on my chest as she calmed herself, she'd be withdrawn for a couple of hours before she'd find the motive to talk to anyone. Looking back on that day in 1937, I could tell that she'd be a different person if whatever happened... Hadn't

**AN- So, tell me what you think. Should I continue?**

**-B x**


	2. Chapter 2

**AN- Here's the next chapter. I hope this will give you a bit more of an insight as to what happened. Most of this story will be told in Alice's POV. The first chapter was the best way I could think to describe what happened when Alice joined the Cullen's, as I was able to get an insight at both sides of the event.**

**Disclaimer- I do not own twilight **

**Alice's POV**  
I pushed the visions away as best I could, after all these years you'd think It would get easier with practice, but it hadn't. They were getting stronger, and I feared that I wouldn't be able to control them much longer. I didn't want to see it. I knew which visions to avoid, they always started the same way, with that hollow feeling churning in my chest.

I knew watching them would trigger the same reaction as last time. The one that had sent me stumbling to the Cullen's in a daze looking for comfort. I hadn't told them about... Him.

I couldn't bring myself to remember. That would hurt just as bad, if not worse than before. It still hurt of course, it always hurt, but there were ways to ignore the constant ache in my chest. Even if it was only for a little while.

Spending time with Edward had always helped. After realising my education was minimal he'd helped me with my reading and writing. Once I'd mastered English and maths, which in itself might as well have been a different language, we moved on to Italian. He'd shown me how to play chess and cards, even taught me how to read music and play piano, I'd never be as good as he was, but I came a close second.

He'd always looked after me, but since Bella, my time with him had been limited. I regularly found myself alone, which only let my mind wander to what could have been... Who could have been.

The truth was...he... was gone, never coming back. I couldn't bring myself to think his name, or picture his face knowing that he'd never again be within reach. If I watched those visions, they would come up black, just like when I tried to remember my past. That. Was what I couldn't bear to see.

* * *

I had managed to pull myself up to my room, that throbbing pain still in full force, pounding in my head even worse than before. I'd taken a bath, submerging myself under the hot, fragrant water until it went cold. Now I lay on my bed, with my bathrobe tied loosely around my middle.

I threw the covers over my head, before curling up and pulling my legs up against my chest. I tried to focus on the sounds around the house, the soft scratches of Esme's pencils and light scrape of Renesmee's slippered feet in the hall as she got ready to go to La push.

Carlisle had been due home about an hour ago, and the household had become anxious waiting for him. We'd received no phone call which was unusual, I would have checked myself but keeping these torturous visions at bay was at the forefront of my mind. One slip and they'd escape, I knew it, and I didn't want the family worrying about me as well.

I don't know how long I lay like that until I finally heard the front door. Esme came upstairs a few minutes later. "Oh Alice" she whispered when she entered my room. I heard her walk over to the bed and the light flooded in when she pulled back the sheet. She stroked my wet hair back from my forehead. "Poor girl" I turned away, I knew Esme meant well, but I hated being pitied, especially when it was my fault.

She continued her attempt to comfort me but gradually the pain was becoming worse and worse, and I had to grit my teeth to stay quiet. "Carlisle's brought someone back." She kept her voice low. "He found him at a murder scene, we think he has a gift, that he's struggling with it"

"He's not the only one." I snapped and Esme's hand paused against my hair "I'm sorry" I sighed. "Do you want me to come Down?" Her fingers continued to comb through the hair at my temples.

"Only if you feel up to it." I hated when they were cautious with me, like they didn't want to break me, but yet again I only had myself to blame.

I tried to smile at her "Will you help me get ready?" She nodded and walked over to my dresser pulling out some leggings and a jumper. I pulled them on slowly while Esme towelled my hair and gently ran a brush through it.

I lost my footing slightly as I stood up, another shot of pain pounding in my skull, Esme looked at me in concern but I tried to brush it off by walking to the top of the stairs.

I looked down to the floor below in dread and felt Esme take my arm to support me. We descended the stairs together, each step seemed to intensify the pain until I stumbled three steps from the bottom a whimper escaping my lips. Esme caught me before I fell, and carried me the rest of the way down. "Alice what's wrong?"

"I'm fine" I lied and I know she didn't believe me, but all I wanted to do was meet our guest so I could escape to the forest and breakdown. I couldn't hold it off any longer. I pulled her as much as I could to the living room door, my head feeling like it was splitting, and walked in.

I froze suddenly, doing a double take on the tall blonde figure in front of me and for the first time in seventy years his name fell from my lips.

"Jasper?"

**AN- That's it for chapter two, the next chapter is where the story really begins**

**-B x**


	3. Chapter 3

**AN- The rest of this story should be in Alice's POV. However, again I think I'll be able to give you a better insight by writing this chapter as Edward**

**Disclaimer- I do not own twilight**

**Edward's POV**  
I relaxed slightly as I heard Carlisle's thoughts slip into my own. He'd been missing over two hours without even a phone call in explanation. It didn't take me long to find out why, as the picture of a tall male vampire formed in his mind. It was soon followed by flashes of the same man curled up in an ally, after he'd fed from a young family, clutching his head in agony.

I walked to the door to greet them, I wanted to get a better read on our visitor.

Finally Carlisle entered the house and the blonde man trailed behind him, close but never within reach. His face and hands were so badly scarred that I unconsciously cringed away from him. He looked around warily as the rest of the family came to the door. I caught Carlisle's eye as he began to explain his meeting with the strange vampire beside him.

As I'd seen before Carlisle had found him curled up in an ally not too far from a murder scene. He'd been asked to confirm the deaths of the family in a car accident. After finding long identical slashes across the necks of the victims, the case had turned into a murder investigation.

What Carlisle thought he saw was the evidence of another vampire, a newborn that didn't know the rules. He followed the scent to find the much older vampire struggling to control whatever gift he possessed. Carlisle still didn't know.

Carlisle had helped him regain control. The nomad had reminded him of Alice, and so Carlisle offered the vampire a place to stay until he'd recovered. The offer had been warily accepted with a simple nod of the head, no words exchanged.

After the initial fussing from Esme, Carlisle had introduced our family to the silent stranger. He had a lot of questions but didn't voice them. He was confused mostly about our eyes, about how we could all be so civil to one another, but he stood silently beside Carlisle. "Where's Alice?" Carlisle asked.

"Upstairs" Esme told him, gazing worriedly towards the girls room. "I'll go and fetch her." I would have offered to go myself, knowing that Alice was still struggling against her visions but I didn't trust this new guest enough to leave.

Carlisle relocated us into the living room, sitting on the sofa. "Take a seat." He offered, but his suggestion was ignored. The nomad stood by the window with his eyes locked on us. He was nervous, never letting his guard down.

I sat down beside Bella. Luckily Renesmee was safe in La Push with Jacob. The nomad's mind was still moving too fast to interoperate. Carlisle looked over to me 'Can you see what's troubling him?' I shrugged my shoulders slightly in answer. He was too focused on the rest of us, where each of us were and the possible escape routes.

A short time later I heard Alice and Esme begin to descend the stairs, Alice's footsteps were sloppy and uncoordinated, all her focus on the throbbing pain in her head that was gradually getting more and more unbearable. It was the worst I'd ever seen it

I heard heard her stumble on the stairs, and got up to see what was going on. "I'm fine" she told Esme, but her voice was hectic. The nomads head swung around to the door as she opened it. Alice took a few uneven steps into the room before she looked up and froze. Her eyes widened as she stared at the nomad.

"Jasper?" The strangled cry was all that she could do before whatever she'd been pushing away broke and we were both thrown into a frantic string of visions. Scene after scene, but they were different, they were in the past. Each and every one featured the blonde nomad.

"Catch her" I called through gritted teeth as Alice's legs buckled. Bella jumped up and pulled Alice into her arms, visions were forcing themselves through her mind, too intense to even allow her to think.

She she struggled in my wife's arms, whimpering helplessly. Her eyes were hooded and dazed.

It began to take it's toll on me, as visions began to overlap and the family grew more and more concerned. The voices in my head got louder. When Bella saw that I was struggling she extended her shield around Alice to block her visions from me. We were all so caught up with Alice that at first none of us noticed the nomad, or Jasper as we now knew, slide down the wall clutching his head.

"What's going on?" Carlisle asked looking between the two of them.

"Whatever he can do, it's not mental, I can't block her from him." Bella said.

I concentrated on Jasper's mind, trying to connect his thoughts. He was trying to push something away from himself and when that didn't work he was trying to figure out a balance. 'Calm' his mind chanted. Finally I found it "He's feeling our emotions."

"An empath?" Carlisle questioned finally knowing the reason for his breakdown in the ally, he felt the emotions of his victims. I nodded.

"What can we do?" Asked Esme, stroking Alice's back. I thought back to what little I'd seen of her visions, the ones she'd pushed away all these years. They all contained Jasper. Her reaction was exactly the same during her surprise appearance in 1937 when she stumbled through our door scared and upset. It was all connected

"There's nothing we can do for Alice, this is what she's been blocking, visions of him. She's seeing everyone of them starting from 1937" the rest of the family looked over to Jasper wondering how the two individuals were linked. He was still clutching his head and I started to feel pluses of fear and panic that weren't my own.

'Is he doing that?' Carlisle thought,

I nodded. "I think so, but he's not conscious of it." I told him. I turned to Esme and Bella "Take Alice upstairs until she calms down. You might be up there a while" I added. They nodded and finally ran her upstairs.

The effect on Jasper was almost instant, his body slumped. "Who the hell is she?" He snapped.

"You don't know her?" I checked. He shook his head. "She certainly knows a lot about you." He pushed his hair back from his face.

Now that he couldn't pick up her emotions he began to calm down. "What can she do?"

I looked over at Carlisle to make sure It was ok to tell him. Carlisle nodded. "She can see the future." His eyes widened "She been blocking some of her visions for decades and we never knew why... I think they were about you."

Jasper stood shakily. Eying us all with caution. Especially Emmett. He felt vulnerable, surrounded by so many. "I should leave, she's not pleased to see me."

I put a hand out to stop him but he cringed away from it. "I don't think that's it." I watched him for a few seconds taking in the ragged scars that could be seen covering his neck and hands. "Did something happen to you in 1937."

He tensed backing away from me. "A lot can happen in a year" he said off handedly but his reaction had told me other wise.

"November" I told him.

"What does it matter." He snapped, but his thoughts were elsewhere, full of fierce red eyes and vicious newborns. He was from the south.

"Edward what are you doing." Carlisle spoke as Jasper backed away to the door.

"Can't you see Carlisle!" I said exasperated "Alice comes to us traumatised, refusing to tell us why, and has been going though headache after headache since, trying to block him out." Carlisle remained silent.

"I didn't do anything to her!" Jasper shouted. He was getting work up and it was starting to influence the rest of us. I tried to calm myself down for his benefit.

"I know you didn't, but something happened to you and she saw it, what ever it was it really upset her, she cares a great deal for you."

"Why didn't she tell us?" Asked Carlisle.

"I don't know, she stopped herself thinking about him... Like I did when I left Bella" The last part came as a whisper, but both me and Carlisle reached the same conclusion. 'Mates' his thoughts echoed my own.

"My creator..." Jasper started. Her face flashed in his memory, and I recognised it as the one I'd seen in Alice's mind the day she'd arrived. "She was angry at me, I'd let one of her newborns escape with her mate... She pulled me apart." He rubbed at his shoulder as horrific images of the attack flooded his mind. He'd been torn limb from limb, and simply left where he fell.

The pieces were finally coming together, I remembered, that when she came here, Alice had minimal knowledge on our kind, we'd had to teach everything she should have been taught as a newborn. There was no way she'd have known we could reassemble ourselves.

"Alice thought you'd been destroyed."

I remembered the crushing grief I'd felt when I'd thought Bella was dead. I didn't know how Alice had coped.

Carlisle spoke quietly to Jasper about his gift and explained our diet. Jasper was eager to try, and agreed to stay with us for a while as we helped him

"Can I go and see her?" Jasper asked, He was concerned for Alice, without fully understanding why.

"I'm not sure if her emotions are stable" I warned. "Bella's still blocking her from me" I felt the confusion he was projecting "I can read minds and Bella's a mental shield." Jasper looked over to Carlisle.

He was wondering how he'd managed to keep us all, wether he had some kind of power that made us obey him. I sniggered quietly when all he said was "You have a very talented family, sir." Carlisle smiled.

"I know" Jasper looked up the stairs where Alice had disappeared. "You can go up if you'd like." He told him.

"I might be able to help her, calm her down." He looked over for permission. He was still extremely anxious around us all, unsure where he stood.

"I thought I could feel something from you, you manipulate emotions also"

Jasper nodded. "I usually have better control over it."

"I'd be grateful if you could help her" Carlisle assured and Jasper made his way upstairs

**AN- A long chapter, and not very good but I wanted to get all the explanations out of the way so I could get onto the fun part. **

**Thank you for reviewing, following and favouriting this story. This is the first story I've published, and I was really unsure wether I'd be any good, so any positive feedback gives me the confidence to carry on.**

**-B x**


	4. Chapter 4

**AN- School starts again tomorrow so I'm not sure if I'll be able to update as often. That said I did write a big chunk of this story during the Christmas holidays so I should be ok.**

**Disclaimer- I do not own twilight **

**Alice POV **  
Vision after vision, for hours on end. Not only of the future, but of the past. A past that would never have happened if I hadn't been stupid enough to force my visions away.

I struggled to pull myself back to the present scared that I'd miss my chance and lose him again. He was alive, standing in our living room of all places. Jasper was alive. Oh the relief his name brought. I'd missed him, his face, the sound of his voice. I wanted to see him.

I felt myself calm down, all of a sudden I felt safe. So I stopped struggling and just allowed myself to enjoy watching him in my head, seeing the life I thought had ended, play out in front of me. His friends Peter and Charlotte had saved him, taken him away from the south. He was still wary but he'd learned to trust again. He wouldn't be as anxious now as he would have been when I should have found him. He'd found me.

When I got to the present day I realised what had caused me such pain, it was the visions of Carlisle finding him, of him excepting the invitation to our home, of me walking down the stairs towards him. All the decisions that meant our futures crossed once again. No wonder they had been demanding my attention.

When I was finally able to think straight, I blinked the haze from my eyes and sat up ready go downstairs. Make sure he was still here, that I hadn't just imagined him. The thought sent a chill of fear through me.

"Over here." I froze the second the sound left his lips. It was different than in visions, deeper, almost soothing, but unmistakably him.

Yet after all this time I couldn't bring myself to turn around. What if he didn't stay? I'd changed when I thought he was gone, What if he didn't like me? I couldn't stop the panic welling up inside me "if you don't calm down I'll have to leave."

Leave? "No!" I screeched, turning around in time to see him backing to the door. "Jasper, please." I begged, exhausted. That crushing ache in my chest coming back full force, he couldn't leave now, not when I'd just gotten him back.

He stopped, looking back at me. He was tall and lean, his blond hair cast a shadow over his bright red eyes, and I could see the scars on his face and forearms. It was really him. I slumped back down on to my bed, mentally exhausted and wrapped my arms around my chest trying to stop it hurting. I could feel myself shaking with tearless sobs.

Finally I heard him walk out and the door close behind him.

* * *

It was a few minutes later when Edward entered, I felt numb and cold as he picked me up, the second time today. "Come here" he soothed as I continued to cry. I didn't know what was happening to me, I felt so helpless and confused. All I'd done is push Jasper away again.

Edward shook his head "He's downstairs. He's an empath Alice, and at this moment in time your an emotional train wreck." He chuckled quietly "It's to much for him. He not used to so many emotions"

That I didn't know, but now it had been mentioned I could see evidence of it in my visions. The strange way he reacted to people, the calm demeanour that followed him around. Could he manipulate emotions as well? "He's been in here since your visions started, keeping you calm" Edward answered.

I looked up at him, pushing myself up. "Why didn't you tell us?" He asked softly.

"It hurt... It hurt to think about him." I cried. "All I'd see was that horrid woman ripping him apart." Edward ran his fingers gently through my hair.

"When did you first see him." He pressed. I took a shaky breath to calm myself down.

"He was the first thing I saw when I woke up, he gave me my name. I saw me finding him and bringing him here, to help him with this diet. He was all I had Edward. You all had each other, but Jasper was mine and I had to wait for him. I did wait, for so long. Then I got that vision and everything fell apart. I slipped and fed while i was still in shock, I couldn't control anything, I just ran."

Edward didn't say anything just held me tighter until I was in control of myself. I rubbed at my throat trying to ease the burn. I remembered hunting the morning before... How long was I out?

"Most of the night and early morning," He told me "but those visions must have taken a lot out of you, not to mention before hand" Edward lifted me to my feet "You need to hunt, your eyes are black." I nodded and I walked over to the door.

I stopped suddenly at the chair in the corner of the room. A new scent clung to the fabric, Jasper's scent. Like wood and spice...Edward took my arm, pulling me away and down the stairs.

I resisted unsure if I could face everyone. "It's just me and Jasper here, Carlisle's at work, Esme's gone to pick up Renesmee and everyone else is at school."

I sighed, relieved. "Why aren't you at school?" I asked.

He rolled his eyes. "I stayed behind to take care of my dearest sister, besides according to Esme we've both got stomach ache."

I shook my head and continued to the door only to be taken by a new set of worries. 'What about Jasper?' I asked in my thoughts. What if he left while we were gone?

"Am not goin' anywhere" Jasper reassured me from the living room. I couldn't see him from here. Which led to me wondering how he knew what I was thinking... His southern accent was more prominent in reality. Edward rolled his eyes and dragged me through the door into the forest.

"Your like a schoolgirl with a crush." He muttered, once we were out of hearing distance. A smirk on his lips.

I scowled at him. "You should have seen yourself with Bella." I countered, and he chuckled.

* * *

Edward was disposing of the evidence of our hunt, dragging the drained deer into the bushes, I was perched in a nearby tree. Too many things on my mind to be of much use.

Edward had caught my meal when he realised I was too distracted to catch anything myself and encouraged me to drink the whole thing in order to quench my thirst. My mind was whirring with worries and I found myself recalling old visions in order to reassure myself.

_Jasper held me gently in his arms, his head resting lightly against my own. "Oh Please," Emmett exclaimed looking me up and down "she's so small, there's no way she could take me down." I raised my eyebrows in challenge._

_"I could take you with my eyes closed. Just ask Jasper." Emmett looked over at him._

_"She's terrifying Emmett, don't provoke her." He warned smirking, I stuck my tongue out at him before turning to Emmett with a hiss._

_"Sure you wanna chance it?" I teased, giggling and making a show of closing my eyes. I stepped away from Jasper and circled my target._

_I swiftly darted behind him. "You'd be finished by now." I whispered in his ear. He jerked away and I watched in my minds eye as his arm swung out._

_I ducked and dodged every one of his advances, and soon had the large vampire pinned to the ground. His neck exposed and my teeth by his throat "Don't say I didn't warn you" I snarled. Then jumped up and laughed along with the rest of the family._

_ Emmett clambered to his feet rubbing his neck. "Holy sh-" _

_"Language Emmett." Esme scolded. He threw his arms up, his mouth gaping "don't make me get Alice." She warned, earning another round of laughter._

_"Not bad shorty." Emmett hand ruffled my hair and I growled at him playfully __before turning and jumping into Jasper's arms._

_He wrapped an arm around my waist, and flattened my hair with the other."You are absolutely frightenin' Darlin'." He laughed_

I was pulled out of my memories by real Edward's laughter. "Wow..." He smiled "who knew you could be so...lively?" He mused. "You used to be so different." I looked away, what if I was _too_ different? I wasn't the same Alice as I was seventy years ago.

Edward sighed "Alice you'll always be you, it's only a matter of confidence." I closed my eyes, sighing. "Come on let's go home."

I ran a hand though my hair as we got closer trying to stop the nervous energy building inside. "Try and keep calm." Edward reminded me, and Jasper's warning rang in my mind '_if you don't calm down I'll have to leave.'_

Edward took hold of my shoulders, turning me to face him. "For god's sake, He meant the room Alice."

I stayed quiet hoping to hold myself together. Edward pulled me against his chest gently and wrapped his arms around me. "Edward, I'm scared."

He rubbed my back soothingly. "Go and talk to him. I'll be upstairs if you need me, ok?" I nodded and watched him jump through the window on the landing upstairs.

**AN- Thanks for reading, The next chapter is written so I will update again tomorrow. However after that I'm not sure. The next three chapters are written but I'm not happy with them yet. Reviews are welcome!**

**-B x **


	5. Chapter 5

**AN- Hey, I promised I'd update yesterday but something was wrong with my account and it wouldn't let me post or edit anything, so here's chapter five. I hope you enjoy it!**

**Disclaimer- I do not own twilight **

**Alice's POV**

I remained outside trying to calm myself down but all I managed to do was make myself more apprehensive, I walked in before I could change my mind.

I peered around the door way to the living room. He was sat in the armchair in the corner of the room, the small lamp casting a shadow over his face. He'd borrowed some new clothes, Emmett's by the looks of them. A book on the civil war was propped open in his lap. I felt the hint of a smile pull at my cheeks.

He raised his head slightly, catching my eye, and I swung back behind the door frame. My muscles tensed and I couldn't move, couldn't breath.

What if I messed this up? I hadn't exactly given a good first impression. For the first time, I actually felt like the insane girl from the asylum. A breathy laugh escaped my lips. Finally driven mad by my visions.

I heard him shut the book with a thump and place it on the floor beside him. "Excuse me ma'am" He called, making no move to get up "could I please try and calm you down, my heads spinnin'." I nodded only to realise he couldn't see me.

"Yes." I whispered shakily and less than a second later I felt my muscles relax and my breathing return to normal. It was strange, Jasper's gift. After the initial flip of emotions I couldn't tell that they weren't my own, it felt natural, it felt nice. "Thank you." I sighed. Relieved that he'd made me calm enough to actually think straight.

I got no reply, instead I heard him pick the book back up, and the flurry of pages as he found his place.

I slowly crept back around the door frame, this time he was looking straight at me. His red eyes were dark in the shadows. I walked further into the room, away from the safety of the door way and sat on the sofa at the other side of the room, pretty sure none of this new found confidence was my doing.

"Are you feeling any better?" he asked formally.

"I don't know what to feel anymore, I'm so confused." I told him, and felt the balance of emotions shift as panic battled against the calm Jasper was creating.

"Tell me about it." He said gently, but It felt more like a psychologist talking to a patient. I sighed, turning to look through the window.

We sat in silence, apart from the rhythmic flutter every time Jasper turned the page and the tick of the clock. I knew I'd have to face it sooner or later, but I lacked the words to describe what I was feeling inside. Instead I focused on the sway of the trees outside, the sweet taste of fresh blood on my tongue and the earthy scent of the leather chairs.

"Why won't you look at me?" Jasper said quietly.

Why wouldn't I look at him? I spent so many years blocking his face from my memory. Yet still wishing I could get one more chance to see it without feeling the crippling pain in my chest.

Now there was nothing to stop me, and I still couldn't bring myself to look.

"Because every time I look at you, I see her tearing you apart. I'm frightened you'll disappear again, like last time." The words sounded right, but I could tell he didn't understand, he couldn't empathise with me, even with his gift.

At the end of the day, he knew next to nothing about me. I was just a stranger, an insane one at that. He didn't love me the way I loved him.

"You saw this was when my friends escaped?" He asked. He was tense, I could feel the calm he'd been projecting waver. It seemed the memories of that night still bothered him as well.

I nodded. "Peter and Charlotte." I murmured still looking forward.

I heard him look up in surprise. "Tell me, how does... the things you see, how does it work?"

"I see the outcomes of decisions, the course people are on while they're on it." He nodded and rubbed his neck. It was an awkward gesture.

I felt like a robot, just giving him the answers he wanted. Meanwhile he was trying his best to keep the conversation going.

"What made you start watching me?"

I froze, unsure what to say. _'Oh about that, we're destined for each other and I just so happened to be tuned into your future from day one.' _Didn't exactly make me sound sane. But what was I supposed to say?

"I didn't have to try, you were just kind of ... there." '_Well that sounded mean,'_ I scowled at myself and shook my head "I meant, you were always there to help me, like my own guardian angel." I put my head in my hands and sighed. I was really mucking this up.

Jasper chuckled. "I'm far from an angel Ma'am"

I finally chanced a look at him, that horrific vision flashed in my memory, before there was just him. His face, his eyes. He was watching me closely, but he wasn't wary of me, he wasn't waiting for an attack. He looked intrigued, like he was trying to figure me out.

The thing was, he deserved to know. He deserved to know why my reaction to him was so... Dramatic.

"I was supposed to find you," I whispered. "and you'd have stayed with me so I didn't have to be alone again." My breath caught in my throat, I felt my panic push past the induced calm "I was supposed to show you this diet so that you didn't have to suffer anymore." A sob escaped my lips, as I though about all the times he'd have had to struggle to feed, how much he'd staved himself to avoid the pain. If I hadn't been so stupid I could have stopped it. "It's all my fault."

"How can it be your fault." His eyes screwed up in pain. "Calm down" he ordered rubbing his temples trying to reduce a headache, one I was causing.

"Because I hurt you... I'm hurting you," I got up quickly, ready to leave, he deserved better. "I'm not good for you anymore, I'm not the same person I was seventy years ago." I cried He got up to try and stop me, raising his arm in front of me. I ducked under it and reached for the door.

I felt his hand on my shoulder and froze, surprised that he'd willing touch me. Edward had told me he was still wary around almost everyone.

I'd waited so long for his touch, shivers radiated down my spine and I felt the tension leave me. I knew it had nothing to do with his gift, that it was just having him this close that made everything feel better.

"No ones the same as they were seventy years ago, I'm certainly not." He said quietly.

I resisted the urge to lean back into his touch, but it was getting harder and harder by the second.

Finally, with one light squeeze, he let go. I ran upstairs like a shot, before I did something stupid.

**AN- So tell me what you think, sorry again for the late update, I'll try and update again tomorrow, but I've got a lot of school work to catch up on and unfortunately that's a priority. **

**-B x**


	6. Chapter 6

**AN- As I guessed, yesterday was hectic. I got my GCSE maths results back, and **** had a whole dramatic monologue to write due in for today **(let me know if any of you are interested in the 'Divergent trilogy' and I might post it.) 

**Disclaimer- I do not own twilight **

**Alice POV**

I spent the next four hours in my room, staring at one object in particular. I'd pulled my old leather satchel out from the wicker box at the bottom of my wardrobe. The leather was brown, faded and cracked with age. The shoulder strap was ripped.

It lay at the one end of the bed and I sat at the other.

I hadn't even looked at it since that day seven decades ago. It was the only thing I had brought with me when I joined the family, even then it had only survived my desperate run because it had been attached to my body by the shoulder strap.

There had been two unspoken rules when I'd entered the Cullen house. One. You didn't ask me what had happened. Two. You didn't touch my satchel.

Esme had tried to take it from me when I first arrived. She'd simply picked it up to take to my new room. I'd snatched it away from her, with a growl resulting in the broken strap. She'd apologised, before gingerly retreating back to the safety of Carlisle's arms. I'd felt terrible, she'd been wary around me for weeks after that.

Later that night I'd shoved it in the box before shutting the lid and hiding it in the cupboard. I didn't want it, but at the same time I couldn't bear to get rid of it.

Every time we moved I'd carry the box with me, never opening it. I'd quickly find a new hiding place for it, and there it would stay. It wasn't so much the bag that was the problem, but what was inside it... The last pieces of the old Alice.

My sketch book... My journal.

* * *

When I heard Bella climb the stairs, I hid the satchel away again. After a lot of mumbling I'd finally snapped at her to get to the point.

Renesmee was due back any minute, and of course I'd been given the job of explaining my abnormal niece to Jasper. "He doesn't trust us, Alice." Bella said exasperated.

"He doesn't trust me either." I snapped. Pulling a blouse onto a hanger and hanging it in my closet.

"A least you can sit in the same room as him without him glaring at you like your ready to pounce." I scowled at her. She has no idea. Jasper had every right to act like that after what happened to him in the south.

"You have no idea what he's been though."

"That's my point, you know when your pushing the limits. I do one seemingly innocent thing and he freaks out." I really didn't want to do this, not after our conversation earlier. I didn't even know if I could talk to him, it all felt so surreal

"Just drop it Bella." My voice broke at the end, and my fingers pulled a hole through a pair of my leggings. I screwed them into a ball, frustrated.

"You know, It won't ever get any better if you don't talk to him."

"Do you think I don't know that?" I shouted throwing the clothes into the cupboard.

"Obviously not, because if you did you be downstairs instead of hiding away up here." She snapped, I had no reply because that was exactly what I was doing her voice lowered "I know it's upsetting you. Alice your my best friend and I want to see you happy. I know you want him to stay."

At my questioning look, she sighed. "You were crying for him while you were trapped in your visions... He's your mate isn't he?" She asked.

"He _was_ my mate, but he deserves better."

she rolled her eyes at me "he's not going to stick around if you just ignore him, I'm giving you an excuse to talk to him, use it Alice ." She walked out without another word, I knew she was right but it still didn't make this any easier.

I walked down stairs, peeking around the door frame again, he was still sat in the armchair. A stack of books now stood by his feet. "I don't like making you so wary around you own home."he said looking out the window.

"Your not, it's just... " I trailed off looking at my feet. I wasn't wary, I was just... Unsure of myself. I sat on the coffee table, slightly closer than before, and decided to get straight to the point.

"There's someone coming home that you haven't met yet." I said carefully.

He chuckled nervously, turning slightly to face me. "You have quite a large family Miss." He said. I frowned, he didn't like the idea of being out numbered. "Did Carlisle create you all?" He questioned.

"No. Not all of us, but Renesmee wasn't created so to speak, she was born." He looked up panicked.

"A human?" He all but shouted.

"No, not human, well not totally..." I looked away, I was messing this up, again.

"Alice, what do you mean." My head snapped up, it was the first time I'd heard him say my name. It sounded nice in his voice. Everything sounded nice in his voice... He was looking at me expectantly, and I realised I hadn't answered.

"She's Edward and Bella's daughter, half human, half vampire." I said half dazed "She was born last year, when Bella was still human."

"Bella's a newborn?" That, was completely the wrong thing to say. He was getting anxious, his eyes darting to the door

"Jasper, listen to me."

"They're dangerous Alice!" He stood, heading for the door, I felt the panic rise and I didn't know if it was mine or his. What if he left?

"Jasper." Bella came down stairs, looking concerned. Jasper growled at her backing away, closer to me. Edward wasn't far behind his wife.

"Bella don't." He said quietly and was followed quickly by Rose and Emmett. I could see this wasn't going to end well, they were surrounding him. To Jasper it would just look like an attack.

Without thinking I went to take his hand, it was something I would have done in my visions, but before I could touch him his arm swung out, hitting me in the chest and throwing me backwards.

I landed against the bookcase with a sickening crack, my family came to my aid, growling and hissing at Jasper. His only escape was through them, I'd taught my family well in preparation for the newborn battle but even together they'd be no match for Jasper, everything I taught them I'd learnt from him.

"Let him out!" I shouted, knowing that we'd never calm him down trapped in the house. 'Edward he's frightened, he just wants to escape.' I told him mentally. Edward let his formation drop, giving Jasper the space he needed to bolt.

He was out the house and into the forest in seconds.

Rosalie and Emmett turned to go after him, still furious. I darted to the door, blocking their exit. They tried to get around me and I growled at them. "Stop it!" They backed off.

"Your protecting him? He attacked you Alice." Rosalie shouted, I turned and sniffed the air trying to pick up his scent.

"He didn't mean it." I defended

"He didn't just accidentally bump you, he threw you into the bookcase." She snarled. Her eyes darting across the tree line.

"Yeah, because you were all surrounding him like a pack of wild animals. What did you expect." I snapped "Where is he" I asked Edward. He pointed north west.

"Not far, he's calmed down a lot now, worried about you." He smirked, I rolled my eyes and ran in the direction he pointed me.

* * *

Edward was right he wasn't far away, I found him up in a tree about a quarter of a mile away. I climbed it carefully, keeping my eyes on him to make sure he didn't run. "I'm sorry." he said once I'd reached eye level.

"Your fine, they don't realise how threatening they look sometimes." He shook his head looking me in the eyes.

"I meant for hitting you, I should never have done that, no matter what I thought was happening."

"It didn't hurt, we're indestructible remember." I joked and sat down on the other side of the branch.

"Bella's a strange newborn." He murmured I couldn't help but laugh.

"You don't know the half of it." His head snapped up, he was looking at me strange. "She skipped her newborn stage completely, she's been that way since day one. Resisted human blood on her first hunt. "

"Impossible." He said simply

"Apparently not, though Bella's always had a knack for doing the impossible." This was easier, talking to him about other people, it was myself I wasn't comfortable with.

"Her daughter." He said quietly.

"Rare, but not impossible." I answered.

"Is she... Her scent, is it..." He struggled

"It's hard to describe. Blood runs through her veins, but her heartbeats too fast, her temperature is too high, and something else, distinctly vampire in her scent. It's un natural, not very appetising. Besides she's been with the mutts all night, she'll stink."

His eyebrows furrowed "Mutts." I sighed, how do you explain the pack?

"Emm... Werewolves." I said finally "there supposed to be a natural enemy of our kind, but about sixty years ago, we were out hunting and ran into them, they were going to kill us but since were not a threat and don't drink from humans, Carlisle made a treaty with them.

One of the descendants imprinted on Renesmee, kind of an eternal love thing, so she sometimes spends the day there. To us the wolves stink... Really bad."

He looked at me with one eyebrow raised. "So the werewolf fell in love with the one year old human / vampire hybrid?"

I pinched my nose, a habit I'd picked up from Edward, this wasn't the best way to make him believe we're not crazy "There was a whole load of family drama as well, but pretty much, yeah."

"So I won't want to hunt Renesmee?" He checked

"She's been around a lot of vampires who drink from humans and they seemed ok, you'll be fine." I tried my best to reassure him. He seemed to relax slightly. "she'll like you" I said quietly. "She has a fascination in other peoples gifts."

"You want me to come back?" He asked shocked. It was his use of 'you' that had me mumbling my answer.

"Of course I want you to come back." He didn't answer straight away, we were back to that awkward kind of conversation we were in earlier that day, and he sensed it.

"Does everyone else want me to come back?" He was concentrating on me. Keeping my eyes locked with his.

"It Doesn't matter." I said quietly. Jasper shook his head.

"Your coven leader won't be happy that I attacked you." It was easy to forget that other covens were so different to ours. Most were run by the coven leader, and other members didn't have much of a say in what went on. Jasper's had been like that, he'd been controlled since the day he was changed.

"Jasper it doesn't work like that here, yes Carlisle cares for my safety, but he doesn't control me. If I want to be near you that's up to me. I..." My eyes hazed over in a vision, showing me a distorted picture of Esme bringing Renesmee into the house. I was getting better at watching her future but it was still a little difficult.

When when I came back, Jasper was closer than before, close enough to touch, watching me carefully. My fingers twitched by my sides. "Renesmee's home." I said quietly. Willing my hands to stay still.

He was silent for a few moments before speaking again. "Come on, lets get you home."

"Your staying?" I asked slightly shocked, I thought it would take a lot more to convince him.

"For now." He said quietly.

**AN- Another awkward conversation I know, but they'll get there. Next chapter shouldn't take long since it just needs editing. Must dash, as I am currently being jumped on by an over excited Great Dane. **

**-B x**


	7. Chapter 7

**AN- Thank you for all the reviews, they all mean so much to me. Especially when I'm really struggling with a chapter (This was one of them****) I hope you enjoy it. **

**Disclaimer- I do not own twilight **

**Alice's POV**

Renesmee was the first to greet me as I walked through the door.

"Aunt Alice!" She squealed and ran into my arms. From the corner of my eye I saw Jasper take a few steps back.

"Hello sweetheart." I smiled while I walked us into the living room. She pressed her hand to my cheek showing me Jasper's wary face as she ran towards me.

"That's Jasper." I told her. "He's going to be staying with us for a while."

She looked behind me and waved at him. "Hello Jasper."

"It's a pleasure to meet you Miss." Jasper replied, his expression had turned from wary to fascination.

Nessie giggled and turned back to me "He talks funny." Jasper chuckled quietly but stopped when Bella walked through the door, quickly followed by Edward, Carlisle and Esme.

"Renesmee Carlie Cullen, that wasn't very nice." Ness looked at the floor and I rolled my eyes at Bella in mother mode.

"Sorry Jasper." Nessie muttered glancing up at him.

"Don't worry about it Miss" he was a bit more reserved now that Bella was here, but that southern drawl was still there. I felt Nessie's frame shake with repressed giggles at his accent and had to stop myself laughing with her. Jasper turned to Bella. "I'd also like to apologise for my behaviour earlier Ma'am. I'm afraid I don't have very positive experience with newborns."

Bella watched him for a moment before smiling and nodding. "It's fine, It took this lot a while to believe it as well."

Carlisle took a step forward "So, will you be staying with us?" He asked Jasper.

"If you'll still have me, Sir." I watched him shy away, head down, submissive. As much as he tried to hide it I could see there was still a part of him that was scared of Carlisle, scared of being under someone's command again.

"Of course, your welcome here." Carlisle tried to reassure him. I heard Rosalie scoff from upstairs. Jasper's eyes darted towards the sound.

"Ignore her." I told him, but he still eyed the door cautiously.

The sound of Emmett descending the stairs echoed though the house. When the door opened he stood tall and menacing, his dark eyes locked on Jasper.

I moved to stand in front of him. "Emmett" I warned, this wasn't the time to get protective. Not when Jasper was still anxious around us.

Emmett ignored me, walking even closer to us. I took a few steps back and collided with Jasper's chest. I gasped and was about to move forward again when I felt his hands wrap around my elbows. He was trying to protect me. A warning growl rose in his chest, I could feel the vibrations against my back.

"Believe me when I say its great to have another man around the house," I rolled my eyes at Emmett, here he was joking around and Jasper was still waiting for an attack. "but If you ever hurt my little sister again. I'll kill you."

I felt Jasper tense, but I was to busy trying to control myself to reassure him. It went against everything in me to watch someone threaten Jasper, and I wasn't prepared for my reaction. I wasn't going to lose him again, not to anyone. I snarled at Emmett pulling against Jasper's grip.

The rest of the family looked on in shock, but they were like a blur in the background. It was the vampire in front of me that was the threat.

I pulled out of Jasper's hold, moving after the threat. I pushed the vampire backwards, away from us.

"Alice!" Jasper called, his hand found mine before I could get any closer. I looked down at our joined hands. I could feel the rough scars on his palms against my skin.

I pulled my hand away, looking over at Emmett. Rosalie had come down and placed herself in front of him. I moved forward ready to apologise and they cowered away from me. I'd been about to attack Emmett, my own brother. What was wrong with me? "Alice." Jasper said again.

I looked up at him and instantly wished I hadn't. That vision flashed in my memory, his pained face replaced the real one. I remembered Emmett's threat 'I'll kill you'

Those fierce, bright red eyes and long brown curls appeared in my mind. 'I'll kill you." the woman's voice purred and I watched in my mind as she stalked after Jasper.

"Maria." I gasped, she ran up behind him and her teeth grazed his neck, she bit down and Jasper cried out in pain "No! Stop!" I screamed. "Leave him alone, Jasper!"

"Alice." His voice was soft and soothing. It didn't fit with the snarling and the shouts I could hear from the people in front of me. "Snap out of it."

Snap out of what? I felt my self being shaken, and my vision blurred. "Jasper!" I whimpered as the shouts started again. Newborns coming in from all sides.

"Alice I'm here." Said the soothing voice. I felt a gentle pressure against the tops of my arms. I focused on that, anything that wasn't the vicious snarls that came from the newborns.

That's when everything began to fade away, Jasper faded away until all I could see was the insides of my eyelids. I'd lost him. I opened my eyes slowly. I was back in the living room, crouched in the corner of the room with my knees drawn to my chest. My arms were pulled up over my head and I couldn't help the quiet whimpers that spilled from my lips.

Someone pulled my arms gently away from my head, I was met with blond hair and black eyes.

"Jasper!" Without thinking I threw my arms around him. I felt him stiffen. I realised what I'd done and began to pull away, but his arm came around my back holding me to him.

I sobbed against his shoulder. "Why are you doing this?" I asked I knew he wasn't comfortable with it. I could feel it in the stiff set of his shoulders. It felt awkward but having him this close made me feel safe.

"Because you calm down a whole lot faster when I'm touching you." He chuckled, and I smiled weakly against his shoulder.

He kept me close for the rest of the night, and the weeks that followed. Every time the memories surfaced he sat by my side and whispered reassurances in my ear until they disappeared.

We'd welcomed Jasper into our home, setting up the guest room for him. He was curious about what I'd seen about me and him before I joined the family, but every time he asked the bad memories would return and he'd have to spend the next half an hour calming me down, eventually he stopped asking all together

He still didn't let the rest of the family touch him, but despite that initial confrontation he and Emmett had become fast friends, just as I had seen in my original visions. Even Rosalie was warming up to him.

However, It was Renesmee that liked him the most, and Jasper seemed just as smitten by her as everyone else. Edward had let it slip early on that Jasper had a gift, and Nessie being Nessie, had bound into the room wanting to know more.

Jasper had shown her what he could do, making her giggle hysterically for apparently no reason. She'd been amazed by a gift she could feel herself and had quickly clambered onto his knee and pressed her hand to his cheek, showing him her own gift. He made an exception to the no touching rule for Nessie. He seemed to enjoy her company, and I often caught them whispering in eachothers ears.

The terrors gradually stopped. The longer he stayed the more I was able to convince myself that he was ok, that he was safe, here with me. Without the constant headaches I was happier than I had been in years, something that the rest of the family teased me mercilessly for when Jasper couldn't hear

However, as I became less dependant on him, he began to withdraw himself. He was quieter, and less accepting of the casual touches we'd shared so far. He was still there when I needed him but other than that we didn't talk, unless he was calming me down he refused to touch me.

**AN- I'm still not sure about this chapter. I hope you all understood that flashback scene, since I found it quite hard to describe. A lot has happened in a very short space of time and Alice is very confused, but I don't want her coming across as weak, because she not she's just trying to adjust.**

**-B x**


	8. Chapter 8

**AN- Thank you for all the reviews for the last chapter, I really wasn't expecting any, I really can't thank you enough for your continued support. I hope you enjoy reading this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it !**

**Disclaimer- I do not own twilight**

**Alice's POV**

It was three months since Jasper had walked back into my life, and he spoke to me even less than he did to begin with. I could see he was struggling with the new diet, but I wasn't sure how I could help him. He desperately craved human blood. So far he hadn't slipped, but it was getting harder and harder for him to resist everyday.

He still wouldn't touch me, in fact he seemed more wary around me than anyone else. I worried that he was having second thoughts about living with us. Despite the friendships he'd made with individuals, he still got anxious when we were all together. Staying in a coven was hard for him, but after his time in the south who could blame him.

I was out hunting with Esme, I knew she wanted to talk with me about Jasper, I'd seen it, but she was debating wether or not to say anything. She kept glancing over at me with a concerned expression on her face "Just say it Esme." I sighed when she glanced at me again.

"Sweetheart, I'm worried about you." She said.

"It's nothing to worry about, I promise." I told her. She walked towards me, examining my face closely.

"You look exhausted." She sighed, stroking my cheek.

"I've had a lot to think about that's all... All these years I just pushed what happen out of my mind. I never really dealt with the grief properly." I looked down at the ground.

She pulled me into a hug and I closed my eyes. "All this time Alice, I should have found a way to help you. I should have at least tried to figured out what was wrong. I still don't fully understand now." I hugged her tighter.

"I wouldn't have told you." I said quietly, her face fell. "Not that I don't trust you" I said quickly "it just... hurt to much, it still does. It's a whole chapter of my life that I thought had been wiped away. I'm only just acknowledging it now, when I should have done so years ago. I'll tell you when I figure it out myself, ok?" She nodded kissing my forehead.

"I'm always here for you, remember that." She said. I nodded, hugging her briefly

* * *

We continued our hunt catching two deer each, and were on our way back when she spoke again. "Carlisle did the same thing you know." She said and I looked at her in question. "After I became a vampire, while I was mourning for my little boy. He used to comfort me the same way Jasper does with you." She sat down under a nearby tree and I went to join her. "As I grew older and more in control of my emotions. He withdrew the same way Jasper is now " She said and I looked over in interest.

"Jasper's older than the rest of us isn't he?" She asked

I nodded. "He was changed during the civil war." I said, unsure what she was getting at.

"A good, old fashioned, southern gentleman." She laughed. I smiled at the ground. "Jasper hasn't changed with the times Alice, not as well as we have anyway. He's still going to act like the old fashioned southern gentleman his mother brought him up to be."

I thought about that, all his southern mannerisms. Ducking his head, the way he addressed us all as Ma'am, Sir and Miss. But then there was the way he backed away from me in particular. I didn't understand it.

"He doesn't act like that with everyone else." I told her, "he's anxious but he doesn't downright ignore you."

"Alice, your the only unmarried women In the house. Things in Jasper's time would have been different, being alone with an unmarried woman would have been a scandal." She winked.

"Oh" was all I could say.

"Your not just an unmarried woman, but one that he likes as well." I hid my face in my hands

"Esme" I whined hoping she'd change the subject.

She laughed "humour me sweetheart, it's making me feel like a mother. Talking to my little girl about boys." I shook my head I couldn't believe she was doing this.

"Alice he might be a southern gentleman but no matter what era they're from, men are all the same. Your an attractive young woman, he's bound to notice you." She chuckled.

"One more word," I warned "and I'm going back to the house"

She laughed and pulled me into her arms, I rested my head against her shoulder. "You'll always be my little girl, you know that right." She said against my hair.

I nodded, nuzzling at her shoulder. "I love you Mom." I whispered.

"I love you too." She said kissing my hair.

We stayed like that for a few minutes as I let her hold me. She stroked my hair, curling the short strands around my ear. I lay with my head still resting on her shoulder. There had always been something calming about Esme, she'd always made me feel safe.

I remembered about a week after I first joined the family, I used to hide in the hallways, peaking around doorways. Esme was still wary of me then, most of the family were because I always acted so... Well, so vampire.

I used to follow Esme around the most, anything to take my mind of Jasper, I knew it scared her but I wanted to know what a mother was really like, since I didn't remember my own. It was during one of these days that Emmett had come up from behind me without warning. I was still extremely skittish after the events the week before, and his voice startled me. I'd ran over to Esme like a shot, whimpering.

She'd hesitantly wrapped her arms around me and whispered reassurances in my ear. She made me feel safe for the first time, and since then our bond had only grown stronger.

"Esme?" I asked quietly.

"Yes sweetheart?"

I debated wether or not to ask her my question. Finally I plucked up the courage. "What happened with you and Carlisle?"

"We got married." She laughed raising her eyebrows suggestively.

I rolled my eyes. Not that I didn't like the idea of being married to Jasper. It just didn't seem like we were going to be anything at the moment. "You know what I mean."

She nodded "Carlisle treated our relationship like one from the 17th century, simply because he didn't know how else to go about it."

"I remember." I told her "I saw it before I joined you." I clarified "He didn't kiss you until after he proposed."

"Precisely" she laughed.

"But he couldn't have just asked you to marry him." I pushed, if Carlisle had continued to act the way Jasper is, how on earth had they gotten where they were now?

"We still talked." She said turning to face me. "Plus we had Edward to chaperone." She laughed. "He got bored pretty quick though so it usually ended up with just me and Carlisle."

"Scandalous!" I gasped in mock horror.

She playfully batted my arm. "We behaved ourselves," she seemed lost in memories for a few seconds before she spoke up again "You don't speak to Jasper much do you?" She asked.

"He never gives me the chance." I sighed. "He doesn't really talk to me either."

"Ask him something then." She said exasperated "I bet he's to much of a gentleman to turn down a hunting trip."

She did have a point.

"This is a lot harder than I thought it would be." I huffed.

She giggled again and stood up "that's love, sweetheart. It's never easy." She held out a hand to me and pulled me up. "You won't have to wait too long." She reassured.

"What makes you say that?" I asked.

"Jasper was changed at what 19, 20?" I shrugged my shoulders "At his age, along with his gift and all the loving couples In the house."

She laughed.

"Your going to drive the poor boy mad... With all those emotions surrounding him as well as his own, he won't be able to resist stealing a few kisses."

I couldn't help but laugh along with her.

**AN- I thought Alice was in need of a little mother/daughter time to help her get her head around everything, so I wrote this chapter. That said Jasper's upbringing is only part of the reason he withdraws himself from Alice, you'll find out in a later chapter. **

**I'm starting to run out of pre written chapters so updates might be a bit slower after the next chapter I'm not sure yet. **

**Please Review!**

**-B x **


	9. Chapter 9

**AN- I'm so sorry for taking so long to update!... I always have trouble with my back but the cold weather made it flare up. I had so little sleep that everything I wrote made no sense at all. When it finally got better, anytime I wasn't battling through school, I fell asleep****. Anyway, i'm back!**

**Disclaimer- I do not own twilight.**

I walked into the house with Esme by my side, "Help me cook something for Nessie" she said as we walked though the kitchen.

"If you want it to be edible, then I suggest you leave me out of it." I warned her. I couldn't even make toast when Nessie asked me to. Something she found hilarious, so continuously asked me for it.

"Ridiculous" Esme said as she tied back her caramel locks. She grabbed my sleeve as I tried to sneak out.

"I need to check on Jasper " I tried, pulling against her, but her grip didn't loosen and she pulled me over to the counter.

"He's a grown boy he can look after himself for an hour or so." She pulled an apron over my head and secured it behind me before spinning me around.

"Esme I can't cook!" I cried and tugged desperately at the knot behind my back, it wouldn't loosen no matter how much I tried. I could have ripped it but I doubted Esme would thank me for that. She laughed at my failed attempts.

She started pulling things out of the refrigerator. "If you behave I'll even let you lick the spoon" she cooed. I crossed my arms and scowled at her. I hated the smell of human food, and she knew it.

"Go fetch me the flour." She ordered, I groaned and marched myself over to the cupboard. The only hope of getting this horrific thing off was to comply

I carried the flour over to her and dropped it on the the counter with all the grace of a stroppy nine year old. Big mistake. The flour erupted in a white cloud over my head, getting caught in my hair and on my face. I squealed and batted it away with my hands.

I heard Esme's resulting laugh and seconds later Jasper's low chuckle from the doorway, I froze, then covered my face with my hands.

"Hello Jasper." Esme said sweetly "Care to join us"

"Sorry Ma'am, but I don't think i'll fair any better than Miss Alice." He paused for a few seconds "Would you mind if I watched."

"No!" I squealed horrified.

"Not at all." Esme laughed, "you'll help with the washing up though." She said. I moved my hands enough to glare at her though my fingers.

"Of course Ma'am" he said.

"Alice dear, would you pass me the baking powder?" I turned away from the counter back to the cupboard, she'd made it so I'd have to pass Jasper. I sprinted over to the cupboard leaving a trail of flour in my wake. "Walk please Alice, your spreading flour everywhere."

I picked up the box and walked back to her, avoiding any eye contact with Jasper. This was beyond a joke now. "This is baking soda not powder." She said with a smirk when I handed it to her.

"What difference does it make." I moaned.

"Quite a big one." She gave the box back to me "baking powder please." She said. I began to walk back to the cupboard planning to look anywhere but the place Jasper was sat, but he wasn't where I expected him to be. He was stood by the cupboard door a small white box in his hand. When I stood next to him he took the box from my hand awkwardly and gave me the new one "Thank you" I mumbled.

I turned back to Esme with a scowl, watching her shoulders shake with repressed giggles. "Well at least Jasper can read the labels " I shoved the box into her hand and stood to look out the window.

Esme eased up after that, talking me through each step of the cake she was making. Part of me was listening, the other part was to focused on the feeling of Jasper's eyes on me, watching my every move.

As the digital clock on the cooker showed 5.36pm the sound of the door opening echoed through the hall. Carlisle was home. Esme's head pricked up "You two finish off in here, I'll be back in a bit." She said, and hurried into the hall.

I threw the cake tin haphazardly into the oven and slammed the door. I heard Jasper get up behind me, he walked over to the sink turning the tap.

"You don't have to do that." I told him

"I know, but your pretty fed up as it is." He said. I nodded, I couldn't argue with that, and ran a hand though my sticky hair

"I'll wash, you dry?" He said, but looked down fumbling with the cuffs of his sleeves for a second. It was because of the scars on his wrists and forearms, he didn't want anyone to see them.

"I'll wash if you'd like?" He shook his head and pulled his sleeves up I tried to subtly avert my gaze. We stood awkwardly side by side, every time I moved any closer to him, he'd pull away from me. Like we repelled each other.

My eyes inevitably moved to his forearms as he washed. I watch the muscles contract, they glistened in the thin film of bubbles that coated his skin, but underneath I could still see the overlapping network of scars that covered them. The worst ones were at his wrists, I could see the long silvery grooves that circled the whole joint. Where his wrist had been torn away from his arm.

His movements stilled under my gaze, and I averted my eyes once more. "Sorry" I muttered, picking up a plate, not daring to look him in the eye.

We continued in the same awkward silence, apart from my quiet intake of breath every time my fingers accidentally brushed his.

Being this close to him was beginning to set me on edge, and my mood was starting to effect Jasper. Every clatter and bang we made caused the other to flinch.

The last dish was stacked safely in the cupboard, and again I tugged desperately at the ties at the back of my apron. I whimpered as I failed yet again to undo them. I just wanted to get out, I'd had enough. I was so close to just ripping the damn thing when I felt Jasper come up behind me. "Calm down" he said. It had become sort of a mantra to us since he'd gotten here. It was always the first thing he said when he saw I was starting to panic.

I felt him pull the tie away from my back and start to undo it. He didn't touch me, but having him so close behind me, his scent, and the pressure of the apron against my waist as he pulled it backwards. It all added to the illusion of being held, and I wanted that so badly, but it was frightening. What if I _did_ get it, only to loose him again? I don't think I'd be able to cope.

I felt the tension leave as the ties dropped and swung at my sides, but he didn't move away. I could hear him breathing in my scent as much as I was his...

"How are things in here?" Esme sang as she turned the corner. Jasper jumped away from me and I pulled the apron over my head before throwing it on to the counter top and running up stairs.

I turned on the shower, pulling my flour covered clothes off and throwing them in the laundry basket, that damn apron hadn't done a thing. I let the water run hot before jumping in and sitting on the tiled floor. I pulled my knees up to my chest letting the water run over my head and down my neck and back. The water turned cloudy as it flowed down the drain.

I pulled my fingers though my hair, and a sob escaped my lips. It wasn't a cry of fear or panic, it was one of frustration. I didn't no what to do anymore...

**AN- sorry again for the late update... I've had a request for a Jasper chapter, I was going to do some out takes in his POV at the end of the story, but if your interested I'm willing to write them now...let me know **

**Please Review!**

**-B x **


	10. Chapter 10

**AN- Later than usual, I'm sorry. I had to catch up on school stuff and sort out collage applications, but anyway I'm not going to bore you with excuses. I needed to get this chapter right, so I took my time. I hope you enjoy it. **

**Disclaimer- I do not own Twilight. **

I hadn't spoken to Jasper since that evening in the kitchen, that was three days ago. He'd been spending his time with Emmett mostly, playing chess and card games.

Now however, everyone except me and Esme and Jasper were at work or school.

I'd tried to go back a week after Jasper arrived, only to be pulled under by my visions during my first class, Edward had told everyone I had fainted, carried me to his car, and drove me home... Back to Jasper. Carlisle still won't let me go back.

It was worse when everyone else was gone, just me, Esme... and Jasper.

I thought it would be easier than this. I thought that in time I'd be able to at least have a full conversation with him, but I couldn't. Every time I talk to him, I feel like I'm going to say something wrong, that I'll force him away.

He seemed happy enough here, without much interference from me. As long as he stayed, I knew I'd be okay. I could protect him.

When it was just us three I tended to hide myself in my room, there was no point giving Esme a chance to leave me and Jasper alone.

I tried without success to entertain myself. Movies and books were pointless. With my visions still so temperamental my mind would often skip forward and find out what happened at the end, I had tidied my room, sorted though my closet. Even cleaned the outside window...I quickly got bored.

I was lying on my bed staring at nothing when I heard someone outside my door, the footsteps were too wary to be Esme's. I waited for him to disappear but he didn't. "Jasper, what do you want?" I regretted my tone as soon as the words left my mouth. Jasper just seemed to brush them off.

"Your bored." He said simply. "I thought I'd come and see if I could help, I'm sure I'd enjoy my book much more if you weren't feeling so restless." I rolled my eyes.

"I thought you couldn't feel my emotions from downstairs?" I questioned,

"They're getting clearer " he said. "Do you want me to come in of not?" He asked.

"I'm studying." I lied, quickly pulling a book from my desk onto the bed next to me

He laughed and opened the door before leaning casually against the door frame. "You've been going to school since before the 1940's what more could you possibly need to study?"

"Jazz..Jasper" I corrected myself "Please, just leave me alone"

He was silent for a second seeming to think about something "Talk to me" he said quietly "tell me about your visions."

Not this again, he asked me this so many times, when would he give up? "No!"

"Why not?"

"I don't have to"

He huffed "Alice I've been here three months and it still don't understand what's going on with you. I sit and comfort you, and all I know is that it has something to do with this" he gestured to the scars on his arms. "And what Maria did to me." I flinched when he said her name.

I was sick of him trying to force answers from me, I just wanted everything to go back to the way it used to be, the way it was supposed to be. Before Maria ruined everything.

"I was fine," I snapped "I could control my visions, I made myself forget. I was different from before, but I was fine! You ruined it, I can't do any of it anymore. I can't control my thoughts, my visions... My memories. It's all your fault."

I couldn't seem to stop the words flowing from my lips and I regretted every one of them.

He looked at me closely, then began rolling his sleeves up, like he had done to wash the dishes "what are you doing?" I asked him. He ignored me.

I was surprised that he showed me any of them, I'd expected him to stop at his forearms at least, but he didn't, he pushed them up past his elbows revealing the scars that ran across them. "What are you doing." I asked again. But couldn't tear me eyes away from those deep silver grooves. Like at his wrists they cut deep into his joint, they were the marks left behind from that vision, marks she had cause.

"Stop it." I whimpered, wrapping my arms around my chest. I looked away and closed my eyes, but that vision flashed behind my eyelids stronger than ever before.

"Look at me, I know you've seen them before, you know how I got them" he said. I realised he knew exactly what effect it was having on me, he knew it when we were washing the dishes. He was trying to get me to look, he was tiring to get me to talk. It was working

"Go away" I said trying to push my visions back.

He walked around to stand in front of me again

"Please, just go" I pulled my arms tighter around me. He looked down at them.

"Why do you do that?" He asked furrowing his eyebrows.

"Because it hurts." I cried, and it did, badly.

"I can't keep pulling you back Alice, I won't. You need to move past it. That feeling, it's never going to go away unless you talk to me, to anyone."

"I can't" I snapped.

"You haven't even tried " he shouted

"Get out now!" I growled at him, slowly staking forward. I expected him to back away from me, but he stood his ground. "I said get out!"

"You won't hurt me." He sneered, lowering into a crouch, but still he didn't leave my room

"Get out!" I shouted and I pushed him backward, my hands collided hard with his chest and the sound of marble on marble echoed though the house.

"Alice!" Esme stood at the top of the stairs. I spun around and growled at her. She stared at me, eyes wide. I didn't understand what was happening to me, I just felt so angry. I knew it was wrong but I still couldn't stop growling at her.

Jasper seemed to realise something I didn't. He stood, quickly pulling down his sleeve to hide his scars again, before turning to face Esme

"This is my fault, I'm influencing her, I didn't realise I was doing it." He turned his head towards me "Go back to your room." He said calmly

I was so shocked by the change in his tone, that I listened. I backed up though my door, pushing it shut. I turned and slid down to the floor. The memories were flashing and the pain in my chest was coming back ten fold. I curled my arms back around my chest and cried out.

"Are you not going to help her?

"Not this time."

"She's hurting."

"I went though exactly the same when it happen to me, it won't get any easier unless she faces it herself."

Their voices traveled though the door, through the haze in my mind, it made them sound so far away. Then sound of footsteps moved down the stairs. I was alone.

Soon it was just that old vision, playing at the forefront of my mind in vivid detail, and this time there was no comfort, no relief. I screamed and whimpered just like the first time. I couldn't stop it. It didn't end after Jasper's torture, the memories continued into my slip up, into my fight to find control, my journey to the Cullen's and my struggle to act normal and it all seemed as real as the first time.

By the time the flashbacks came to a close I was frozen I'm my spot by the door, not breathing and clutching my arms tightly around me.

I stayed curled up for what felt like hours, my breaths turning shallow and panicked at best.

Eventually there was a quiet knock on my door. I knew it was Jasper, it was to silent to be anyone else. "Can I come in?"

"I'm sorry" I whimpered "I didn't mean it, it's not your fault. He opened the door slightly but it collided with my back, he craned his head around to look at me.

"It's not your fault either" he said calmly, squeezing though the crack in the door, he walked in and sat in the leather chair in the corner of my room. I still couldn't bring myself to move. "We both know who's fault it is."

I put my head in my hands "I don't want to talk about her."

He sighed "I don't want to talk about her either, but you need to. I know you never told anyone"

I just shook my head.

"Believe me, it doesn't get any better unless you talk... I've already tried it."

I trusted him, if he said it would help then I knew it would, but id hidden the memories for so long.

"You already know what I saw" I said, he lowered himself to the floor and knelt in front of me

"Tell me." He said quietly.

I wanted to talk to him, I really did but... The words got stuck. I opened my mouth only to close it a second later. Jasper sat patiently by my feet, it was like there was a buzz in the room, a pull. I wanted to get closer to him.

finally I found the courage I needed.

He waited silently until I managed to push the words past my lips. I took a deep breath.  
"I... I was... Out shopping. I'd been feeling weird all day, I still can't describe it, but I felt strange... I checked on you, so many times, just making sure you were ok, but that feeling never went away... It still hasn't.

"I... I convinced myself you were fine... Peter was with you... He would make sure you were ok." My breath left me in a gush "I was just browsing though the clothes." I choked out. "I saw what was going to happen Charlotte, I knew that she and Peter were mates... I knew he wouldn't stand aside and let you destroy her."

I was sobbing now, gasping for the breath I needed to talk. I clutched at the carpet, my fingers pulling at the fibres.

Jasper's hand covered my own. "Calm down." I looked down at our hands, the thin lines of scars stretched as his thumb traced the bumps of my knuckles. "Keep going" he said.

"I started getting pulled deeper and deeper into the vision, I had to grip the railings to stay upright. I pushed myself out and into the street and hid myself in a back ally... I knew something was going to go wrong... I could feel it.

"Then you went after Charlotte... and Peter went after you... And everything was so fast it blurred in my mind... I didn't know what to think when they escaped. I was happy for them, but I knew that wasn't the end of it, that she would have heard the commotion and come to see what was happening... I knew that she... That she'd punish you."

This was the hardest part, the part that no doubt would send the memories into a frenzy once again. I cried out and tried to wrap my arms around myself but Jasper stopped me "Come on, tell me." He encouraged "I know you can do this" he said.

It was a few minuets before I could find my voice again I closed my eyes. "I... She... She walked up behind you and grabbed your arms, pinning them behind you...there was that evil glint in her eyes and I knew that she was planning more than just a few bites...

Jasper winced, and his breaths shortened. As much as he claimed to have overcome it there was still a part of him that was haunted by those memories.

"She started biting you, and I watched you cry out, you were in so much pain and there was nothing I could do to stop it. Then she bit into your shoulder and...and she...started pulling you apart. The same way the newborns had been... My visions started to black out and I started to panic, but they always came back. Every time she was still pulling at you, newborns were biting at your arms, screamed at her to stop.

"Then it blacked out again and I couldn't find any visions of your future at all. I waited and waited but nothing came. That's when I pulled myself out of the visions... I'd fed on a human, it was only the second time I'd done it... He must have heard me scream... There was blood down my front, on my hands, everywhere.

"I ran... That's all I remember doing, my visions went haywire and I couldn't control it. I still don't know how long I was running for, then I found the Cullen's. They helped me, took me in."

I stayed silent, I'd told him what he'd asked, I still felt numb.

Jasper touched my shoulder "Well done." He comforted me "I promise it gets better.. your family... Myself...we just want to help you."

"I know you do... It's just... It's hard." I whispered.

He stood gracefully and held out his hand to help me up. "That was the first step in making it easier." He said as he pulled me up.

**AN- Quite a long chapter so I hope you liked it. I know some of you have been wanting Alice to open up. That weird fight/stand off thing in the middle should be explained in two or three chapters time (A Jasper chapter) **

**Please Review! I didn't get many for my last chapter **

**-B x **


	11. Chapter 11

**AN- Here I am, the proud owner of a GCSE in English language... Let's see if I can put it to good use in this chapter. I hope you enjoy it!**

**Disclaimer- I do not own Twilight **

Emmett walked down stairs, grumbling to himself. "Where's Jasper." I asked before he even reached the bottom step. He rolled his eyes at me.

Jasper had been right, I was a lot less tense now that I'd spoken about that night. The memories still came, they still upset me, but there wasn't that sense of dread about them. It would be a long time before I could overcome what had happened, parts of it I doubted would ever leave me completely, but for once things were starting to look up.

"That lover boy of yours has locked himself in his room." He said. I scowled at him.

"Emmett leave her alone" Carlisle said trying to hide his smile. I knew they were just happy for me but all this teasing was getting annoying. Carlisle's brows furrowed, "Is he ok?" He asked.

Emmett shrugged his shoulders, dropping down to the sofa. "Yeah he's fine, Sounds like he's purring, it's pretty weird." He said, I looked up concerned.

"Purring?" Carlisle asked, then turned back to his book.

I got up, shaking my head "You all spend so much time being human, you don't even know how to be vampires." When I got to the bottom of the stairs I turned back to them. "He's not fine, he's distressed." I got two blank stares. I threw up my arms. "Never mind."

I walked up the stairs, and remembering that the door was locked, I turned into the room beside Jasper's and swung out the window, over to his. I opened it carefully. His head whipped up towards the noise. A low growl slipping past his lips. He relaxed slightly when he saw it was me and turned back down.

He was sat on top of the bed with his back against the headboard, staring down at the bedspread. Low purrs rumbled in his chest.

I jumped down from the window sill and quietly shut the window behind me. I crawled onto the bed and scrambled up to his side. I carefully put my head on his shoulder, giving him a chance to pull away, and purred back to him.

I liked that I was comforting him and not the other way around, like usual. He began to pull away from me but when I grumbled in displeasure he remained still.

There were two reasons why vampires purred. One, was the reason everybody knew. Contentment. The reason a cat purrs when you stroke it.

The other was reassurance, it was a way to tell another that everything is ok. Which is what I was doing to Jasper now. However, when we get really distressed, a way to comfort yourself is to purr. I did it a lot myself when I was a newborn, when I was all alone. It's to reassure ourselves that nothing is wrong. It's not as effective but works when there is no alternative. This was what Emmett had heard from Jasper. It would be the only reason he'd purr to himself.

My family had spent so long pretending to be human that they didn't understand their own kind.

Jasper looked down at me. He wasn't used to any of the family making noises like this. "There's a lot more vampire in me than the rest of them." I told him.

I was probably the only one that understood any of the noises he made. He'd done it a lot when he first came, growls and hisses and purrs, it was all part of being a vampire and I know it confused him when we didn't respond correctly.

It was the animalistic side of our kind that my family denied. They accepted the speed and the strength because it was unnatural, but they didn't want to accept the animal characteristics.

I liked being this close to him, it was the first time I'd done so when I wasn't hysterical, or drowning in my memories. My head nuzzled against his shoulder without permission and my purrs changed to the content kind without me realising.

eventually Jaspers purrs ceased and i managed to get my own under control a couple of second later.

He pulled away from me awkwardly. Standing up from the bed. "What's wrong?' I asked

"I'm thirsty" he snapped though clenched teeth.

I knew this would happen sooner or later. It happened to all of us, it was kind of a withdrawal stage where the craving for human blood was at its peak, it would take a few weeks for it to die down again.

"Well then, we'll go hunting." I said.

"You know that's not what I mean, I want human blood."

it was important that he kept himself fed early on.

"Come hunting with me?" I asked, walking towards the window "Please" I added, and before he could think to much I opened it and jumped out.

I waited at the bottom for a few seconds, and for a couple of moments I thought he wasn't going to follow me, but then he jumped out and landed beside me.

"Where do you want to go, Miss?" He asked, he very rarely called me Alice these days. Except when he was trying to pull me out of my memories.

"What do you fancy?" He gave me a questioning look. I let my visions take over, searching for a meal. I found a few options and pulled myself back. "There's a heard of deer about a mile in that direction." I said pointing to the east. "Lots of them, easy to catch, but not very tasty."

"How'd you know that?" he asked.

I tapped my head. "My visions can be useful when they want to be."

He chuckled "if you can do that, why have I spent the last three months learning how to track down meals."

"Because I might not be here." It was very unlikely that I'd go anywhere without him, he knew that, but thankfully he didn't point it out.

You haven't tried bear yet have you?" he shook his head and I pointed to the north-west. "If we run about a mile and a half in that direction we'll be able to track one. They taste better." I looked up at him. "We can share it." I mumbled.

"Do you not want the bear for yourself?" He asked quietly.

I shook my head. "I can't drink a whole one, Emmett usually finishes them for me."

He nodded and gestured for me to go ahead of him.

* * *

It was easier to watch him when he wasn't watching me. He was crouched over the bear, the muscles of his shoulders were visible though his shirt, I traced them down to the small of his back. I wanted to feel those arms around me, like I'd seen in my visions.

I wanted to know more about him, I'd missed so much.

"How old were you when you were changed?" I blurted out before I could change my mind. He was in the middle of finishing what I'd left for him so it was a while before he answered me.

After he finished, he rose from his crouch, and wiped the blood from the corners of his lips with his thumb. "19, I think. I'm not entirely sure." he said slowly

I nodded...

"What about you?" He asked hesitantly. I never thought talking to Jasper would be this awkward, we'd always seemed so comfortable together in my visions.

"19" I told him, he chuckled and I turned to look at him.

"You look young for your age that's all." There was a tone of doubt in his voice

"I have the papers to prove it." I frowned as I remembered my trip to Mississippi and what I'd found there.

Jasper came closer to me and I felt the waves of calm wash over me. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." I said stiffly. He sighed and turned back towards the house. Esme's words rang in my mind 'talk to him.' Well it was now or never. I turned and went after him. Walking by his side, I reached for his hand before pulling back abruptly. I had to stop doing that.

"I don't remember." I whispered, his pace slowed so I didn't have to try so hard to keep up. "When I woke up I didn't remember anything... Whoever changed me, left me in the forest alone. I didn't know where, what or who I was."

He slowed to a walk, keeping pace beside me. I continued talking.

"I didn't remember being human, still don't, but about two years ago we met someone who remembered me, from before when I was human... James. He was after human Bella, he said she was payment for the one pray that escaped him...me. James said that my blood had sung to him, but another vampire had bitten me before he could catch me. He killed the other vampire in vengeance."

I debated on wether to tell him about the asylum, did I really want him to know that I was mad, that I was locked up like an animal and most likely drugged. I sighed in defeat. I needed to be honest with him.

"James said... He said that I'd been put in an asylum, because of my visions."

Jasper had been looking forward throughout my speech, but now he turned to face me."You had your gift as a human?"

I nodded "Apparently... Carlisle said that back then, 1920, they would have used electric shocks to try and stop them. That's probably why I can't remember, I would have been brain damaged when I was changed."

he didn't seem to know what to say, I didn't blame him, I wouldn't either.

I could feel him trying to calm me down. "You named yourself Alice?" He asked.

I froze. My first vision, I had always enjoyed recalling it when I was alone, but like everything else that reminded me of Jasper I'd pushed it away after that day. I remember trying to imagine the way his arms felt curled around my waist, and the look in his eyes as he leaned in and whispered 'My Alice" against my lips before kissing me.

"No... I..." I took a deep breath. "You did." I told him.

He watched me carefully probably picking up a strange mix of emotions from my side. "Me?" He asked

I nodded "You were my first vision, you called me Alice, so that's the name I took." I mumbled "Anyway," I said louder trying to change the subject. " I went back to Mississippi last year to find out more... Mary Alice Brandon, You weren't that far off with my name." I smirked when he looked away, almost embarrassed.

"Mary Alice Brandon" I whispered. "I found some of my important documents. My birth certificate. Which proves I was 19" I said pointedly " my admission form for the asylum. Even some old pictures... I visited my grave... The date of death was the same as the date on my admission form."

I pulled my cardigan tighter around my shoulders. "I'm sorry" he said.

I shrugged trying to appear unaffected. "My real parents didn't want me... but now I have a better family, one that wants me for me, visions and all."

"I'm glad you found them, after you thought I was..."

"Me too" I cut him off before he could finish his sentence, i didn't want the conversation to take that turn again.

I felt the panic begin to rise within me. It wasn't as bad now, it was easier to control but it was still there. I felt Jasper's hand on my back trying to calm me. He kept it there while we walked.

"Are you still thirsty?" I said trying to distract myself.

He frowned and I scolded myself for reminding him of the burn in his throat. "I'm not thirsty for animal blood."

"We've all been though it Jasper," I tried to reassure him "your not the only one, I promise. It's harder for you because you've lived off humans for so long." The voice in my head reminded me that decades of that was my fault. He must have felt it.

"it's not your fault." He said, as if reading my thoughts.

"A big part of it's my fault." I told him, he shook his head.

"You don't know that." He said.

"Yes I do." I told him picking up the pace. "Come with me."

**AN- Well that's chapter eleven, I can't believe your all still with me! I didn't get many reviews for the last chapter, do you think the story is going to slow? Is it getting boring? Let me know and I'll try and fix it.**

**Please Review! **

**-B x **


	12. Chapter 12

**AN- Phew! This chapter just didn't want to be written! It took forever to try and get it right and I still not all that happy with it. I hope you enjoy it though. **

**Disclaimer- I do not own Twilight.**

**Alice's POV **

I guided Jasper over to my room and over to my wardrobe. Hesitantly, I pulled out the wicker box, cradling it close to my chest, and sat down on my bed. This would be the first time I had ever shown someone my sketch book, the first time _I_ had seen it in over seventy years.

I placed the box down gently and took the satchel out of it. "This was all I had with me when I got here." I murmured.

"What is it." Jasper said quietly. he stood in my doorway watching me carefully like he was waiting for me to snap. To be honest I was waiting for it too

"It's got my sketch book in it." I whispered. He just nodded and moved towards me, sitting behind me on the bed and looking over my shoulder.

"What do you want to show me then?" My eyes drifted back to the leather satchel.

"I haven't opened it since that day." I told him, running my fingers over the buckles. What if they brought back all those bad memories of being alone? I pulled my hand away but Jasper's hand reached around and grabbed it dragging it back to the buckles.

"Open it." He said quietly and he held my hands still. There was a buzz between his hand and my own and it took a minute for me to concentrate on my task. My fingers finally began to work at the stiff buckles, and push the flap open. The movement made the scent of old leather, parchment paper, graphite, and oil paint swirl in the air.

"It seems you were quite the artist Miss" his brows furrowed and he looked at me questioningly.

I pulled out the leather bound sketch book. I could feel Jasper's cool breath on the back of my neck. I wanted to lean back into him. "Open it." He said again. I could feel him trying to subtly change my emotions.

I pulled the leather ties that held the book together. And gently lifted the front cover. The pages were yellowed with age and smeared with grass stains but on the first page was a drawing of Jasper. It was just his head and shoulders. He was smiling down at something. I smiled at the memory of the vision this picture came from.

My first vision. That was the way he looked at me, just before he would kiss me, with so much love and tenderness that it made me ache. I hoped that one day I'd be able to see that expression for real, that he'd look at me the same way Carlisle did with Esme, and Edward with Bella. I wanted to be loved like that.

I could feel Jasper's gaze on me, my emotions must be going haywire. I tried to repress it as I turned the pages. To my embarrassment, most of them were just of Jasper. It made me look like some strange obsessive stalker. Finally I found the one I was after.

It was a picture of Emmett and Jasper sparring in what would have been the back yard, both had wide smiles on their faces. In the background stood the rest of the family, I ran my fingers over the dresses. "Look," I whispered. "the clothes."

I turned back to look at him, he had a puzzled expression on his face. "50's fashion" i clarified "I would have found you before then, you had to suffer for at least five decades more than you needed had to, all because of me."

"These are all your visions of the future?" He asked, ignoring me. I got the impression he didn't like me blaming myself.

"What _would_ have been the future." I reminded him

He turned the next page for me. As soon as I saw what was on it I gasped and snapped the book shut.

I heard Jasper laugh behind me. I pushed the sketch book back into the satchel, scowling to myself. I stood up, prepared to just leave him in my room. I was so embarrassed.

"Alice" he said between laughter. "Come back."

"You weren't meant to see that." I said, still staring at the door.

"You think I didn't know already?" He asked, and I stopped dead "It really didn't take long to figure out." He walked over to stand in front of me, crouching to meet my eyes. "I've spent the last sixty years with Peter and Charlotte, I felt how they feel for each other, I know what mates feel for each other."

I tried to ignore the fact that his sentence implied that he felt the same way for me as i did for him. Maybe I was thinking too much into it "When?" I asked "When did you figure it out." I clutched the satchel tightly to my chest

"When you were trying to protect me from Emmett," he said "though why you thought you could take on Emmett I don't know."

"You were trying to protect me as well" I reminded him. I thought about finding my picture of me pinning Emmett to the ground, just to show how capable I was of 'taking him on', but decided against it

"I know... that's when I figured it out." He said quietly "That and the fact that Emmett came over warning me not to try anything with his little sister." He paused "It's natural Alice, mates have an instinct to protect each other."

I cringed. He did know. He'd known for three months and hadn't said a word.

"Why didn't you say anything?" Surely if he knew he would have said something.

He paused, seeming to try and phrase what he wanted to say next. "I know that this isn't you" he said finally. I was about to interrupt but he held up a hand and began to explain "Everyone has a baseline emotion, one that's constant over everything else. Emmett's is humour, Carlisle's is compassion." He looked at me as if trying to figure me out. "Yours... Is buried under so many layers of different emotion. Guilt. Grief. Sorrow."

he shook his head.

"I can feel it sometimes, never long enough to figure out what it is ... But it's there, when you forget to suppress it. Just for a little while, when you let yourself smile at Nessie or laugh at some joke Emmett tells you "

he smiled briefly at that but it soon turned into a scowl.

"I can't help thinking that you stop yourself being happy because you believe that you should still be mourning for me."

Now I scowled at him.

"You can't expect me to just get over something like that in a couple of months, I thought you were dead for decades... and I guess now you know how important you were to me... Still are."

he shook his head. "You thought I was dead for seventy years and you were still torturing yourself when I got here." he said bitterly

Was he being serious?

"Your my mate!" I cried, my voice breaking "of course I was still mourning for you... It could have been 100, 150 years later, and I'd still be in exactly the same situation." I shook my head "You have no idea how close I was to just ending it all," I whimpered "I was in Volterra I could have done it..."

"Stop it!" He snapped. I backed away from him. He closed his eyes and took a calming breath. " I can't listen to you talking about killing yourself."

He wasn't making any sense, I couldn't mourn for him but he was allowed to scold me for considering to join him. I could taste the bitter venom on my tongue and feel my fists clench

"Don't act like I'm the only one" I sneered "Do you know how many times I watched you plan to get yourself killed while you were with that devil woman?... 32!" I fumed "Yes, eventually you talked yourself out of it, but I still had to watch it every time, every detail of every plan. I had to watch as..."

Jasper had frozen, fists and jaw clenched. He'd stopped breathing. I knew at once I'd gone too far. Here I was telling him how much I'd suffered when I was reminding him of his own depression and throwing him into horrific memories. I was making him suffer just as much "Jasper?" I said softly. "Jasper, I'm sorry"

It took him a few minutes to compose himself "I'm sorry you had to see that." He said finally. Looking away from me, ashamed.

Jasper sighed heavily "neither of us are ready for a relationship yet..." Even though part of me knew he was right, there was a bigger part that just wanted him to be mine, I didn't want to wait any longer.

However I nodded. "Ok" I said simply.

"What I was trying to say before," he said slowly "Is that you were so caught up in what happened to me that you've lost parts of yourself along the way. The proof is right here in front of you." He gestured to my satchel. "Your drawings, It was obviously something you enjoyed but you stopped when you thought I was killed. Your room, it's empty. There's nothing in here that marks it as yours"

His head turned to the side "Your not who you used to be"

I knew I was too different. I understood why he didn't want me anymore.

"Alice." He said softly

"It's fine" I said quickly

"No it's not Alice... Look at me." I hadn't realised I'd turned away from him. I turned around trying to keep my emotions off my face. "You need to find yourself again. I know you can do it. You just need time. Time that isn't spent mourning me or checking on me... I'm safe here."

"I know you are." I sighed. "It's just hard to convince myself of that sometimes... Besides," I said quietly. "when I was my old self I still checked on you"

He chuckled. "I would have checked on you if I had the ability to" I smiled shyly and looked down "I like you." He said, and my dead heart leapt "but I... I haven't been that close to anyone... since Maria."

It was then that I realised that I wasn't the only one lacking in confidence. Maybe we both needed time to sort ourselves out. "You might not like what you find out later" he warned.

I laughed nervously "I highly doubt that."

"We'll see" he muttered

"Ahh Jasper, you'll soon learn... Never bet against Alice Cullen."

"I'll keep that in mind" he smirked.

It wasn't long after that Jasper made his way out. A few minutes later I gently pulled my sketch book back out, into my lap. I carefully flicked through the pages till I found the right one. The one Jasper had seen.

I had drawn it carefully, paying close attention to curves and lines of the faces and hands. It was black and white, shaded in all the right places. You could see where I had erased the lines hadn't been completely happy with.

I smiled.

It showed a picture of me and Jasper. His lips on mine and his arms wrapped lovingly around my waist. I was stood on my tiptoes, pressed against his chest. One hand on his shoulder and the other pressed to his jaw.

I closed the sketch book again with a quiet giggle.

"I always wondered what you hid in that bag" Edward's head peered round the door way, a smirk plastered to his face. I made sure to think about smashing his Volvo before sending a pillow flying towards his face. It hit him with a satisfying thump.

**AN- Well... I tried. I hope you all understand it, to be honest I confused myself.**

** Anyway. The next chapter will be a Jasper chapter. It might take a bit longer than usual, since it will kind of be a review of the last twelve chapters. It won't be as detailed as Alice's POV, but will kind of jump from scene to scene and tell us what he thought... Any parts you'd like to see the most, let me know!  
**

**Please Review!**

**-B x **


	13. Chapter 13

**AN- The eagerly awaited Jasper chapter! It's about time you got a little look at what's going on in Jasper's head. Anyway I hope you enjoy, it will mostly be a re-telling of the story so far, but I will add some extras in there too! **

**Id like to thank you all for your continued support, your reviews mean so much to me. **

**Disclaimer- I do not own Twilight. **

**Jasper's POV **

I never expected to be part of a coven again, I didn't think I'd ever want to be, but this one didn't seem so bad. They didn't even behave like vampires, they seemed almost human.

I'd been anxious when I accepted Carlisle's invitation to stay with them , but I was so desperate for some relief and he said he might be able to help. He'd been right. Though I didn't understand why he wanted to help me.

Carlisle was a strange vampire, I still didn't trust him. Why on earth would he want to bring someone like me into his home. Scarred and dangerous. Then to offer me a chance to live like them, a drain on their resources... It just seemed... Illogical. There had to be and ulterior motive.

Their strange diet was... Helpful. For the first time since I was a newborn, I was able to feed without the crippling depression that came after it. That said it still left me unsatisfied and thirsty, i often found myself craving human blood.

Their diet wasn't the only reason I stayed though. Carlisle's coven, or family as they preferred to be called, were always so... Happy, content. I was drawn to it, positive emotion, always had been. It was dangerous, I know, but I couldn't seem to pull myself away.

There was one exception to the families collective happiness, she was the main reason I stayed... Little Alice.

I'd felt her emotions before I'd seen her, she seemed shy and timid. Lonely, even surrounded by people. She'd also appeared to be in a great deal of pain. That was before she caught sight of me...

The way she reacted to me confused me, I couldn't concentrate as her emotions overpowered my own. Shock, panic, fear, and countless more.

She'd been towed away in a daze seconds after she had appeared, and I was left with a list of unanswered questions. Who was she? What had I done to cause that kind of reaction? How on earth did she know my name?

Apparently she had known it all along. The mind reader, Edward had told me. It turns out she was rather talented as well. A psychic. She'd seen me before, in her visions. She'd cared for me, without even meeting me.

But something had gone wrong.

She thought I was dead, killed by Maria all those years ago. She was still mourning for me...

I'd gone upstairs to her, feeling responsible, hoping to help.

I'd calmed her as best I could, until she lay unmoving on her bed, and stayed the whole time she was out. She looked like she was sleeping, peaceful. Her family had left us be, I found it strange that they trusted me with such a vulnerable member of their coven.

I'd sat for hours in a leather chair in the corner of her room. That was strange in itself since I was used to sitting on the floor. Her room was neat and tidy, everything in its place. The walls were bare, no pictures, no shelves. There was a small closet stood against the back wall, chest of drawers by the bed she lay on, a desk with a small stack of what looked like school books. It was simple, plain, didn't really tell much about her.

The woman herself was small but not childlike. I would have said she was around 16, 17 when she was changed. She had short, black, cropped hair that spiked up around her head. Her golden, doe like eyes were slowly darkening to black, they were still hooded and dazed, like she was looking though me.

She had petite features almost pixie like, but not quite. There was a something in her expression that made her seem older than she was

On her neck, just behind her ear was a single crescent scar from where she'd been changed. Other than that she was unmarked. My eyes had trailed over her neck and shoulder, into the dip of waist and over the curve of her hip, and finally resting on her legs...

I'd shook my head, looking away and running a hand through my hair. It was wrong to look at her that way. I hardly knew her

"Jasper." She breathed.

My head had snapped back towards her, thinking she'd woken from her vision and seen me staring, but her eyes had still been dazed. She'd shifted, nestling further into the covers of her bed with a sigh.

It hadn't been long after that that she had woken up for real, the uncontrollable emotions from before had returned and I'd had to leave her, though it had been hard to drag myself away.

I'd told Edward what had happened, the two of them seemed close. He gave me a strange look before going to her. I'd sat in their living room making full use of the collection of books there.

* * *

She wandered downstairs eventually with Edward a few steps behind. He had persuaded her to go hunting. Again I was shocked that they trusted me enough to leave me in their house, but I quickly dismissed it once I felt Alice's worry increase. I heard her pause outside the door way. "I'm not goin' anywhere" I promised and felt her relax a move on

She return just over an hour later, full of nerves again. It made my head pound so much that I had to ask to calm her down.

I had to coax her in with a boost of self confidence before she actually entered the room.

Still, she wouldn't look at me, talked very little. She didn't seem to know what to do with herself. when she finally did turn around her eyes hazed for a second and a spike of pain shot though us both.

I tried to get her to talk to me but it was a lost cause. She was frightened and confused.

Worst of all she blamed herself.

Blamed herself for the pain I had subjected myself to. Things went down hill from there and her emotions went into a downward spiral that I couldn't control. I wasn't used to all this emotion at one time.

I don't think anyone would be.

I tried to talk to her but she didn't give me a chance.

* * *

I panicked.

Just the thought of being surrounded by newborns sent me into a frenzy.

To me it just looked like an attack, an attack I'd been waiting for since I got here.

I truly didn't mean to push Alice to the ground, i saw movement from the corner of my eye and just reacted. I saw red and ran.

I hated that I could have hurt her, and I couldn't figure out why. She was someone i'd met just hours earlier. It shouldn't matter to me, _she_ shouldn't matter, but she did.

She came after me, which was a surprize in itself. We spoke, and it was less strained than the first time just hours before, though I expected that was because she didn't have to talk about herself.

She talked about her family, I could tell Alice cared a great deal for all of them, just by the tone of her voice. She tried her best to describe Renesmee but words didn't really compensate.

Renesmee was something else. At first glance she looked like an immortal child but her heart beat like a humming birds and her scent neither human or vampire. I suspect that was why I was less anxious around her. She wasnt appetising, and she didn't smell like a threat. There was that and the fact she was just so small.

Alice obviously adored her there was something else in her eyes when she looked at her niece.

i didn't think anything would have been cabable of breaking her mood.

That was until she reacted to Emmett's threat, even I could tell he wasn't entirely serious, but Alice... She just flipped, lunged at him teeth bared.

In that second I remembered Peter's face as I moved in, ready to destroy Charlotte. Equal amounts of anger and fear flashed in her expression

Alice was protecting her mate... She was protecting me

I'd had to pull her away from her brother before she did any serious damage, as big as Emmett was I could see he wouldn't fight back. I don't think anyone thought she was capable of it. I certainly didn't

She snapped out of it pretty quickly, seemed to realise what she was doing and control herself, but she seemed dazed. Not like during her visions, but like a flashback. I experienced enough myself to recognise the signs.

She cowered away her hands clutching her head and her eyes screwed shut, she look small, vulnerable... Frightened

I was more than shocked to discover that hers were also haunted by Maria. She cried at her to stop. And for a moment I thought that at some point Maria must have hurt Alice too. I couldn't bear the thought of that evil witch anywhere near her.

But then she screamed for me...

I tried my best to reassure her, and soon her screams turned to whimpers then sobs, and her eyes opened slowly and met mine.

She threw herself into my arms, and for a split second I tensed, thinking she was going to attack. But the emotions that washed over me told me otherwise.

Relief... Love

Then shock as she realised what she'd done. She began to pull herself away, but I held her still.

This was strange for me, I didn't usually like having anyone this close, not since what Maria did to me. I had improved over the years, but that was mostly with Peter and Charlotte.

These emotions, they weren't like anything I'd ever felt before. I'd felt love from the couples in this family, from Peter and Charlotte, but it had never been directed at me. It had never felt like this. I calmed Alice down and felt her relax against me.

That pull towards her faded. If it wasn't for the rest of her family surrounding us from all sides I would have been... Content.

I told her that holding her was for her own benefit, but really I just couldn't bare to let her go

She loved me...

* * *

It was only a week later that she went back to school, personally I found the whole thing comical. That they'd willingly surround themselves with humans and waste their superior abilities learning the same lessons year after year.

I was left in the house with Carlisle and Esme. Carlisle had taken the week off work, I still didn't quite believe that he was a doctor. Yes this coven was more peaceful but they were bordering on crazy. He said that he was owed some holiday but I knew that it was because he still didn't quite trust me, I wouldn't either. That said he did still try and talk to me.

He had noticed my interest in his history books, more specifically the civil war. He'd asked about it and I told him about my time in the confederate army. I didn't continue on into the vampire wars. He didn't need to know that.

We spoke for most of the morning. Never into anything personal, but it was nice to talk to him, like Peter he was civilised, even more so. He hinted towards the southern wars, asking if I had visited this place or that place, he definitely knew, but I wasn't going to confirm his suspicions.

Alice didn't last long at school Edward had driven her home still in a daze of visions, she was thrashing in his arms. He had carried her up into her room and placed her on the bed. I watched as Carlisle, Edward and Esme tried to call her back to the present, but they only managed to aggravate her more.

I'd noticed before that they weren't all that good at handling her episodes. They all acted so human and as a result treated her has one also. They touched her like she would bruise if they pressed to hard. Careful holds that she easily pull out of with inhuman strength. The fact of the matter was, she wasn't human, she was a vampire.

By this time all they'd succeeded in doing was stressing her out, she was snapping at them and thrashing around trying to push them away. Someone was going to get bitten.

Edward turned to me "what do you propose we do" he asked bitterly. I simply pushed past him, quickly pressing my hand firmly against her throat. I pushed her head up into the mattress and clamped her jaw with my thumb. That sorted the snapping out.

I pinned her arms down and a feral hiss ripped though her throat, I ignored it and pushed calm through my hand and into her.

The thrashing stopped as well as the hiss which transformed into a gurgle at the back of her throat, which turned into a hoarse choke as I released her. Venom. It kind of served the same purpose as adrenaline to humans, our body created extra venom ready for an attack so we could fight back. It was thick and bitter, and hurt like hell if you got bitten with it.

Since she was lying down, it was probably burning her throat and nose. I pulled her shoulder down so she faced the mattress. "Spit it out." I told her, pushing her head down. At her agonised whimper I rubbed her back gently trying to calm her enough to stem the flow of venom.

It was then that I finally looked up to the rest of her family. They had backed away slightly, watching me carefully. I kept tabs on all their emotions, at the end of the day I'd just had my hands around her neck. "Are you ok?" I asked Alice. She nodded.

I backed away allowing her family back to comfort her.

She never went back to school after that.

**TBC**

**AN- I've decided to split the Jasper chapter in two because I wanted to be able to give you all an update, and it was getting quite long. I hope your enjoying it so far **

**Over the next few weeks updates will be agonisingly slow. I have a textiles coursework deadline coming up for the 1st of March and basically the dress I'm making... Anything that could go wrong, has gone wrong and I have to start from scratch.**

**Please Review! They make my day and I seriously need cheering up**

**-B x **


	14. Chapter 14

**AN- Thank you all for the wonderful reviews, I had a personal best for the last chapter. You comments mean so much to me. I thought you deserved an update. Hope you enjoy!**

**Disclaimer- I do not own Twilight.**

I didn't know what to do about Alice. I tried to be there for her but it was hard.

Her emotions seemed stronger than anyone I'd ever met, and it was hard to separate them from my own. As a result, I had to leave her whenever they overpowered me. If I didn't I'd just end up reflecting her panic back at her. It would only make it worse.

There was only a small space of time when I could change her emotions. I had to influence her before she influenced me.

However things were starting to get better, her flashbacks were occurring less and less, she seemed didn't seem to need me as much so I backed away, I didn't know what I felt for her. I was drawn to her, but emotionally she was impossible to connect with. I didn't cope well with people like that, they usually set me on edge.

She was nervous, scared, but most of all confused. There were so many layers of feelings that it was impossible to find her core emotion. She intrigued me, I knew she could be happy... I just needed to find out how.

I spoke to Emmett, Esme, even Rosalie. They told me that she was never the most lively of people, sure my appearance had knocked her confidence slightly, but this wasn't her.

It never was.

I remembered what I'd been like after what Maria had done to me. I'd trusted no one, I was unpredictable, explosive. Even when Peter came back for me. My trust in him had vanished.

I'd followed him out of desperation rather than trust, I could sense that they worried about me, Charlotte was even afraid of me, but I'd been tricked with emotions before...

I'd get flashbacks just like Alice is now, Peter would try to snap me out of it but if he got too close I couldn't stop myself from turning on him. He was lucky I taught him everything I knew, otherwise I could have hurt him.

At first I worried that Alice would react like I had, but she dealt with things a little differently. She needed that comfort and reassurance, I was just a little out of practice at how to give her it.

Until she spoke to me, I wouldn't know how.

* * *

I'd been up in 'my room' when I heard the giggles and complaints from downstairs. Clam and happy emotions were radiating from downstairs. I couldn't usually feel anything from that far away so it surprised me.

Naturally, like a moth to flame, the emotions pulled me closer.

I was even more surprised to find that those emotions came from Alice, they were faint, but they were there. I stood in the doorway to watch as Esme teased her, and ordered her around. Alice whined playfully but there was a hint of a smile on her lips. It was nice to see her so carefree, instead of weighed down with guilt.

I watched in amusement as she dumped a bag of flour on the counter top, sending a cloud of white dust in the air. She squealed and batted it away with her hands but that didn't stop it coating her face and hair in a thin layer of flour. It stood out against her ebony hair and caught in her eyelashes. As Esme laughed the emotion stuck and I couldn't help the resulting chuckle that escaped my lips.

She hid her face in her hands, embarrassment flowing off her in waves.

Things went downhill from there, she grew tense and agitated. When it was time to clear up, I went to help. I figured the sooner she got out, the sooner she could calm herself down.

I offered to wash the dishes, hesitating only slightly at the prospect of rolling up my sleeves, revealing my scars. She noticed, and I realised she knew what damage had been done. That feeling of guilt washed over her, and I shook my head. Maybe finally seeing this was the first step to her overcoming what had happened.

I'd rolled them up just enough to reveal my wrists and forearms and she looked away. She was nervous and I tried to calm her down, I wouldn't touch her because if I did be pulled under by her emotions.

Her eyes gradually made there way back to my arms, I monitored her emotions carefully. It was hard to detect what she was feeling because they were flitting around so fast. Her eyes landed on the deep groove that ran around my wrist and my eyes followed. Images of Maria lowering her teeth to my arm flashed in my mind, and I shifted uncomfortably.

"Sorry" she muttered looking away again.

We stood in silence after that. Except for her quiet intake of breath every time my fingers brushed hers.

She grew more and more tense as time ticked by, and I couldn't stop it. Gradually she began to influence me. This didn't happen half as much with anyone else.

By the time we finished, we were both agitated and distressed. I didn't touch her in fear of making her worse. She tugged desperately at the ties of her apron, whimpering quietly. I walked up behind her and she froze instantly. I told her to calm down, my gift was useless at this point and pulled the ties of the apron towards me. The pull toward her increased and I had to stop myself taking a step closer.

I picked up a strange set of emotions after that, longing and fear. Like she couldn't decide wether she wanted to move closer or run away. I untied her, but neither of us moved away. I was too caught up in her scent, which was masked in flour. I couldn't quite describe it...

I could hear her doing the same, breathing in my scent like I was hers, and I lifted my hand to touch her waist...

Esme came though the door and I stepped away from Alice and she sprinted upstairs throwing the apron behind her.

It was seconds later that I heard the sound of running water and her frustrated sob.

I ran a hand though my hair before growling lowly in frustration, this time all my own. Esme backed away slightly and I rolled my eyes. It was about time these people learned some vampire mannerisms.

"Why won't she talk to me?" I asked

Esme looked at me for a moment before replying "she's scared"

"Of what?" I asked.

Esme shrugged slightly. "You know as well as I do that our kind don't deal well with change. She's loosing control and she doesn't like it. She relies a great deal on her gift, at the moment she's to stressed to make it work properly. She's frightened of loosing you again, because she can't find out if your ok."

I shook my head "that doesn't explain why she won't talk to me"

"She won't talk to anyone" she said "she never did. We didn't know about you until the day you turned up."

I frowned at her. I knew from experience that just trying to ignore that fact that it happened, didn't actually help. She needed to talk, and the only one I wanted her to talk to was me, I didn't particularly want the rest of her family knowing about my time in the south. If I knew just how much she'd seen of that day, maybe I could help her

"I don't understand why she'd put herself though that for someone like me." Was all I said to Esme. Let her make of that what she wants.

"I thought you were an empath" she said "she loves you, can't you feel it?"

I opened the back door, I just needed some space to think without this entire coven surrounding me. I looked back at Esme.

"Just because I can feel it, doesn't mean I understand it."

* * *

The first time I tried to talk to her about her flashbacks was a complete disaster. Since that day in the kitchen she'd taken to hiding herself in her room. I could feel the family's worry for her, nearly all of them had gone up there to try and coax her down but none succeeded.

I knew she was hiding from me, but every so often I'd feel her emotions on the other side of the door, I'd turn to see her peeking around the doorway for a split second before retreating back to her room.

I could feel the boredom flowing off her in waves and finally decided to intervene. She wasn't pleased when I refused to leave her. Personally I don't think she knew what she wanted, she couldn't bear to see me yet she couldn't stay away.

I remembered her face when I'd first entered the Cullen's house, eyes screwed shut in pain, remembered the sound of her stumbling on the stairs and her pained whimpers. Even after all these years later she was still struggling. There was no way I was worth that, even If we would have been mates, she deserved better.

I persevered and that was when things started to get out of hand. She began to blame me for the loss of her visions, for the loss of control, but the accusation seemed deeper than that, like she was blaming me for leaving at all. I rolled up the sleeves of my shirt again, reminding her of who's fault it really was, trying to get her to talk.

Somehow she must have picked up my anger, I still don't know how, because I'm sure I wasn't projecting, I mean I always project my emotions but it's only after a certain intensity that other people start to be influenced by them.

For the most part I'd learnt to control that side of my gift. There was a time that I couldn't control it at all. That everyone around me was dragged into the same state of mind as I was. It was the reason I left Peter and Charlotte that first time. I didn't want to pull them into the same state of depression.

That said, I didn't cope well on my own. I never had done, and it was something I hated myself for. That I had to surround myself with other people's emotions just to stay sane.

Because of that, when I finally returned to Peter and Charlotte I worked on reining my gift in, I lost control occasionally, like my first encounter with Alice but other than that I was ok.

At that moment however, I was making Alice angry, I couldn't understand why she'd put herself though so much grief for someone like me. I didn't deserve it. Alice growled and I growled back and that was when Esme came to the top of the stairs shocked. Alice turned on her instead, and it was only then that I realised what I was doing. I'd calmed myself down and concentrated on sending calm her way before leaving her in her room.

Her flashbacks took over and this time I let them.

It was hard to listen to her screaming and whimpering but like I'd told Esme, if she didn't face it the pain would never go away. Gradually her family returned home. Each looking worryingly up the stairs at Alice's cries.

Renesmee came over to me, tears sparkling in her brown eyes and pleaded with me to go and make Alice better again. A big part of me wanted to but I knew if I gave in things would never get better for her.

Nessie clambered onto my knee, tucking herself under my arm. I'd been smitten with Ness ever since I first got here, Emmett said she had that effect on everyone, and I had to agree, she seemed to have everyone wrapped around her little finger.

I wasn't as wary around her as everyone else, wether that was because she was so young or because she wasn't fully vampire I didn't know. However I still caught the wary looks on her families faces even time she got too close

"Show me, your memories of your Aunt Alice." I'd whispered to her.

"Which ones?" She sniffled

"All of them" I said. She shuffled backwards and placed her hand against my cheek. Her memories flashed and I closed my eyes warily, still cautious with so many people in the house.

I watched as Renesmee showed me her very first memories of her aunt. There was a glowing smile on her face as she looked down at her niece. just seeing that was enough evidence to show that Alice wasn't always the way she is now.

I watched from Nessie's point of view as Alice coddled her. I never appreciated how fast Nessie grew until I saw it myself, but I watched as she went from a bundle of blankets to looking around three or four in a matter of months.

It was around then that the feelings behind Nessie's memories changed, she was scared and panicked. I pulled her hand away. "Whats wrong" I'd asked her, but she just shook her head and replaced her hand.

She showed me Alice falling to the floor a scream ripping from her throat. Both me and Nessie stiffened. She flashed through an explanation of the Volturi before concentrating on Alice rushing out the door saying she needed to sort though her visions.

Renesmee pulled her hand away this time, and looked at me with fresh tears in her eyes "Auntie Alice didn't come back." She wiped her eyes with the heel of her hand. "Why is she screaming again." She asked.

"Renesmee, Alice will be fine. The thing that's upsetting her happened a really long time ago." I tried to reassure her but, I didn't have much... I didn't have any experience with children

Edward came in then. Looking at his daughter in concern "Alice isn't going to leave." He said "last time she went to find Huilen and Nahuel remember."

She nodded "what happened?" I'd asked Edward. I'd heard about the Volturi coming after something big in this area, but I'd never imagined that it would be because of the Cullen's, they just seemed so... Harmless.

Edward looked back at Ness. "Can you keep showing him" he asked. She nodded before putting her hand back against my cheek.

Edward explained everything she showed me. The gathering of witnesses and the confrontation with the Volturi and finally Alice's return. Renesmee had watched Alice closely after that. Fearing she'd leave again. When the Volturi finally left she had stood aside watching the others wistfully.

Nessie had looked over to find what Alice was watching and found the other couples locked in loving embraces. It was long until her family had surrounded her and she collapsed against them.

I'd noticed that she collapsed a lot, it wasn't normal for a vampire.

"Alice's mind is a lot more complex than even ours, most likely due to the complexity of her gift. Sometimes it just takes over and she loses control." He explained.

Renesmee continued with her images of Alice over the last year, she gradually got more and more withdrawn as her headaches became more frequent and then I turned up...

"She got worse as the year progressed" he said "we couldn't figure it out at the time but now I assume that as you were got closer her visions got harder to block."

The pictures started to slow down and blur. "she's falling asleep" Edward said quietly and I pulled Nessie's hand away. I calmed her until her eyes slid shut, and stood to hand her to Edward. It was awkward because I still wasn't comfortable being that close to them.

"Your good with her." He said cradling the young girl in his arms. He looked up at the ceiling. "It's stopped." He said as Alice's screams ceased

I nodded and turned to make my way upstairs. "Just... Go easy on her." He said and I looked at him in confusion "I know you don't understand what she feels for you, just... Keep and open mind." I walked upstairs trying to figure out what the hell he meant.

I found her curled up against the door, as soon as she heard me she began apologising. I pushed my way past her, still forbidding myself to comfort her

I pushed her for answers, and waited. I could have made her speak by boosting her confidence or something similar but I wanted her to do it herself.

Finally she found the courage to speak.

she knew a lot more than I thought she would. Some of it was she described in even more detail than I could remember, and I found myself pushing back my own flashbacks. Yes, it seemed hypocritical but now wasn't the time. I was dangerous when my mind flashed back to the south.

when she finally finished I chanced touching her shoulder, finally offering her the comfort she wanted I felt her lean into me slightly.

It it felt like a step forward, at least she wasn't tense around me anymore. I guess we'd see how long it would last.

**AN- Again the chapter has been split but there isn't much left to write in Jasper's POV so I'm hoping it won't take as long to update. Then we can get back to the story. These chapters are ending up longer than I anticipated, theres just so much to write! **

**Please Review! **

**-B x **


	15. Chapter 15

**AN- Wow, this chapter is long. 4,203 words plus authors notes. But you guys deserve it! I reached 50 reviews yesterday! I'd like to take this opportunity again to thank you all for your continued support. I never thought my writing would be this popular. **

**Anyway, it's time to wrap up this lot of Jasper chapters. Hope you enjoy!**

**Disclaimer- I do not own Twilight.**

**Jasper's POV**

I'd just been hunting with Emmett and we were on our way back when I felt a large hand contact with my shoulder. I spun and snarled at the offender.

He jumped back, hands raised. I watched them carefully, a low warning growl rumbling in my chest, waiting for his attack. Then I realised they were raised in surrender. Such a human gesture. All it looked like to me was an attack.

I straightened up from the crouch I didn't remember taking. "Sorry" Emmett said "I forgot your not cool with people touching you"

I just scoffed and turned back to the house. "Though you seem to have made an exception for my little sister."

_What the hell?_ I just looked at him. "Don't think we haven't noticed. You won't let any of us come anywhere near you, yet you get all touchy feely with my little sister" I just shook my head, what on earth did this idiot think I was doing? "You don't say much do you" he pointed out.

I shook my head again "I'm not getting 'all touchy feely' I'm trying to calm her down and stop her flashbacks." I snapped. "My gift works better when I'm touching her." I reasoned.

"So your telling me you have no feelings for her." He scoffed.

"At the moment? No." I said.

"Yeah right" he muttered.

I took a step closer willing him to understand "She's an emotional wreck! Damn unpleasant to be around!"

"Yet you keep going back" he said. That shut me up. I wasn't going to admit to the pull I felt to her.

"It's my fault she's like that." I said finally.

Emmett waved a hand dismissively. "She'll be back to her old self in no time, she's just in shock."

"No that's not what I meant." He furrowed his eyebrows. "As soon as she's over the shock she'll just end up going back to being quiet and withdrawn." I said.

"I told you before, Alice has always been like that. She's Alice"

"I don't think your right, I can feel it. It's like she forcing herself to be the way she is" I said.

"You've known her less time than we have. Trust me Alice has never been very outgoing."

"it's not her. If you had my gift you'd understand." I argued

Emmett crossed his arms over his chest "So your telling me that Alice is actually some happy go lucky, hyperactive pixie in disguise." I chuckled and rolled my eyes. "Would you like her more if she was?" He asked raising his eyebrows.

_Probably, yes._ "I don't know" I said.

"Well if I ever find you messing with my little sister, hyperactive or not, I'll have your head." He said.

I looked him up and down. Yeah right, he'd be finished within thirty seconds.

* * *

This thirst was driving me mad, I hadn't felt like this since I was a newborn. A constant sear in the back of my throat that traveled through my nose and behind my eyes. Animal blood just didn't quench it.

I'd locked myself in my room in fear of running out the door and to the nearest unsuspecting human. I was trying to concentrate on keeping myself still, and having Emmett pounding on the door wasn't helping.

"Dude, come on I'm bored! Can't you tell!" I growled at the door, all I could feel was the burn in my throat and my own distress.

The purrs came unbidden from my throat as I tried to block him out and calm myself down. I looked down at the comforter on the bed. Purring wasn't helping, I never really expected it to. Finally Emmett left.

However a few minutes later I heard movement outside the window. I turned my head towards the noise growling slightly. I found Alice perched on the outside window sill. She pulled up the window and swung inside. I looked back down and had to clench my fists to stop myself leaping out the window.

I felt the side of the mattress give way and turned my head slightly to find out what she was doing. She scrambled towards me, lay her head on my shoulder and began to purr back.

I was shocked. Not only by how close she'd gotten to me, but at the distinctly vampire gestures that followed. It took me a second to pull myself away. This wasn't like all the other times I'd touched her, I wasn't comforting her.

I knew things were different in these times, they been different for a long time, but there was that nagging feeling in the back of my head that this wasn't... proper. Yes it sounded old fashioned and yes It hadn't affected... whatever I had with Maria, but the truth was I hadn't cared much about my 'relationship' with her.

With Alice it was different. I still didn't know where I stood with her. She knew we were mates, I knew we were mates, but as of yet I didn't feel anything for her. All that was there was that instinctual pull.

Never the less, she was still an un-married women and we were sat alone... Together... on a bed.

I tried again to pull away but she grumbled in disappointment so I remained sitting stiffly by her side. I looked down at her, still captivated by that fact that she could actually communicate like a vampire. She noticed.

"There's a lot more vampire in me than the rest of them" was all she said.

I knew very little about her life before the Cullen's, but I had known that she didn't always live with them, she'd been like me once.

She continued purring at me and I managed to relax slightly. She wasn't too bad herself, quite content where she was. It felt nice, she was a lot calmer than usual, that underlying sense of guilt and panic was nonexistent as she leaned against me.

She nuzzled softly against my shoulder. I froze, my purrs dying in my throat and pulled away from her awkwardly. "What's wrong" she'd asked, and the burn in my throat had flared

"I'm thirsty!" I'd snapped unable to control my tone of voice.

She simply told me to come hunting before jumping out the window. I was hesitant, not just because of Alice but because I wasn't sure wether or not I could venture outside and resist the scent of humans.

When I finally landed beside Alice. She smiled at me, "What do you fancy?" She asked. I looked at her in confusion.

Suddenly her eyes when blank and she swayed slightly on her feet. I went to steady her but she blinked quickly before focusing back on me. "There's a heard of deer about a mile in that direction." She pointed to the east. "Lots of them, easy to catch, but not very tasty." She said confidently.

"How'd you know that?" I asked.

She explained her vision. It amazed me that she could just slip in and out of the future like that. I only ever seen her vulnerable while having a vision. That last one was so fast that you barely noticed it... Imagine the advantage she'd have in battle.

I shook my head. No. In didn't live like that anymore, I didn't _want_ to live like that.

* * *

Alice taking down a grizzly bear was a sight I'd never expected to see, I was wrong.

She hunted like a cat. Sneaking up on her unsuspecting prey from behind before pouncing at lighting speed. The way all the Cullen's hunted fascinated me. Stalking and chasing the animals they needed for sustenance. It had never been necessary for me. Humans practically walked straight into our grasp, drawn like a moth to flame.

That didn't apply with animals. They know that we're dangerous, they can sense it. They run, they fight back. That was the part I enjoyed the most, the thrill of the hunt!

I'd let Alice get this one though. Told her that I might not have been able to stop feeding once I'd started, which was true, but mostly it was because I had not idea how to take down a bear.

She'd drank her fill before awkwardly stepping aside. Usually I didn't like hunting around others. It became necessary when Peter started hunting for me, trying to minimise the depression that followed each and every one of my kills. It didn't work. All the terror, despair, sorrow, it was laced into the blood.

When I hunted with the other Cullen's I'd drag my kill somewhere private, but with Alice it didn't seem necessary. I knew she wouldn't hurt me.

I tried to concentrate on the feeling of the beast's blood running down my throat, but I was distracted by Alice who was stood behind me. I could feel her watching me, I had to stop myself turning around at the emotions that emitted from her. Longing, love, and just a faint tinge of lust.

"How old were you when you were changed?" She asked suddenly. I took my time finishing the bears blood while I tried to figure out the answer. I joined the confederate army just before I turned seventeen and was turned in 1863. So what did that make me? 19? 20?

I was shocked to realise I didn't actually know the answer, no one had ever asked me this question before.

"19, I think. I'm not entirely sure" I admitted. I returned the question, trying to fill the tense silence that had begun.

"19" she said. I tried to stop the chuckle that escaped my lips but couldn't. There was no way someone so small could be so close to their twenties.

"You look young for your age that's all." I said in way of explanation.

"I have the papers to prove it" she said. I was about to ask what she meant when I felt her emotions take an abrupt turn for the worse. I tried to calm her down. I'd been enjoying her emotions so far today, I didn't understand what had caused the sudden change.

"What's wrong?" I asked, but she stiffened and told me it was nothing.

I sighed and turned away from her. I thought she was finally brightening up, trying to at least engage in conversation, but now she was blocking me out again.

I began walking back to the house, I wasn't going to endure her negative emotions when she wouldn't even tell me what's wrong.

"I don't remember." Her whisper was so quiet I almost didn't catch it. I slowed down to see if she would elaborate. "When I woke up I didn't remember anything... Whoever changed me, left me in the forest alone. I didn't know where, what or who I was." She spoke a bit louder this time but not by much.

I matched my pace to hers, walking slowly beside her. I could tell that this was another hard topic for her. She continued to explain to me what she'd found out about herself. I remained silent, letting her talk. Afraid that if I interrupted her she'd stop.

She told me that she'd been put in an asylum as a human, because of her visions. I was surprised to find out that she'd had her gift as a human. She told me at they'd treated her with electric shocks to try and stop them, I could feel the bitter venom coat my mouth in anger.

The idea of someone hurting her like that, it didn't sit well with me.

I tried to change the subject slightly, I wondered how she knew her name. "You named yourself Alice?" I asked. I mean she must have if she didn't remember being human.

Her emotional response to that question was unexpected. A mixture of love and comfort, even happiness as she recalled a memory. That followed by nervousness as she looked up at me probably knowing I'd felt it.

"No... I..." She took a deep breath. "You did." She said quietly

I watched her carefully. "Me?" I asked. I wondered how I could have known her name before she did.

She nodded "You were my first vision, you called me Alice, so that's the name I took." She mumbled, and turned away shyly "Anyway," she said louder this time "I went back to Mississippi last year to find out more... Mary Alice Brandon, You weren't that far off with my name." She smirked and I looked down at the ground.

"Mary Alice Brandon" She whispered. She sounded wistful, like she wanted to know who Mary Alice was.

I preferred Alice, she looked more like an Alice.

She moved on to tell me about the things she'd found, her birth certificate, forms from the asylum, even old photographs. She said she visited her grave, that the date on her admission from had been the same as the date on her gravestone.

She hugged her arms tighter around herself. "I'm sorry" was all I managed to say. Sorry that she had to endure all she had alone.

It explained where all her insecurities came from, why she didn't like being left alone, why she was worried that I'd leave. I hadn't realised that she'd been on her own waiting for me until she found the Cullen's.

She shrugged, but I knew it was effecting her more than she was showing "My real parents didn't want me... but now I have a better family, one that wants me for me, visions and all."

She sounded older than her years in that sentence, she'd lost that teenage streak that she should have been frozen with... A lot like me.

"I'm glad you found them, after you thought I was..."

"Me too" She cut me off before i could finish the sentence. I she might have told me about what she experienced that night but she was far from over it.

I _was_ glad she found them, I was grateful of them helping her.

I felt her begin to panic and placed a hand on her back so I could calm her down. I let it rest there while we walked towards her house.

"Are you still thirsty?" It was an attempt to distract herself but all it did was remind me of the searing burn in my throat.

"I'm not thirsty for animal blood." I told her, anymore animal blood and and I'd be sick if I could.

"We've all been though it Jasper," she said reassuringly "your not the only one, I promise. It's harder for you because you've lived off humans for so long."

I felt the guilt flood in and sighed. Not this again "it's not your fault." I said knowing that she was now blaming herself, for me having to feed the way I used to for so long.

"A big part of it's my fault." She muttered.

I shook my head, she didn't know when she would have found me. It could have been decades "You don't know that." I said.

"Yes I do." She began running and I followed close behind her. "Come with me."

She and I ran all the way back to the house, she jumped onto the ledge that lead to the upstairs landing and opened the window to let herself in.

I follow quickly behind her. She walked in to her room and over to the wardrobe in the corner. I stood in the doorway, watching her. She'd gone kinda numb in terms of emotions so I was keeping a close eye on her.

She pulled out a wicker box from the very back. She placed it on the bed and opened it before lifting a leather satchel from inside. She seem to be in a world of her own

"What is it?" I asked quietly trying not to startle her.

"It's got my sketch book in it." She whispered. I started to move towards her slowly, sitting behind her so that I could watch over her shoulder.

It took some gentle coaxing but eventually she opened it. The smell of paint and parchment filled the air as she opened it. I frowned. There was nothing like this in her room.

She pulled the book out and turned to the first page. The paper was old and worn but there clear as day was a picture of me, just my head and shoulders. It must have been drawn close to a century ago but every detail was perfect, right down to the faint scar just above my eyebrow.

I looked at her, she was displaying the same emotions as she had while we were hunting when I asked about her name. I felt her trying to repress them but all she managed to do was cover them in embarrassment. I smirked at her when she wasn't looking.

Her embarrassment only increased as she turned the pages. I didn't know wether to be pleased or worried. I really did mean a lot to her.

Eventually she stopped at the page she was looking for. A picture of me and Emmett sparring by the looks of it. She pointed out the clothes, trying to support her guilt but I wasn't having any of it.

It was over, there was nothing she could do to change that. She was just looking for a way to blame herself.

"These are all your visions of the future?" I asked, choosing to ignore her.

"What would have been the future." She said pointedly. I reached around her and turned the next page. A split second later she gasped and snapped the book shut, but not before I caught a glimpse of the picture.

This time it was of just me and her. I had my lips pressed softly against hers and my arms wrapped securely around her waist. The embarrassment flowed of her in waves

Her reaction made me laugh. Did she really think I didn't know? She pushed the sketch book that she had handled so carefully, roughly back into her satchel. A scowl on her face, she avoided any eye contact and stood to leave

"Alice" I said between laughter. "Come back."

"You weren't meant to see that." She said, still refusing to look at me

"You think I didn't know already?" She froze "It really didn't take long to figure out." I walked over and crouched so that my eyes were level with hers. "I've spent the last sixty years with Peter and Charlotte, I felt how they feel for each other, I know what mates feel for each other."

I knew that part of it matched what I felt for her. That pull and the instinct to protect her. It was the emotional connection that was missing. She was so overwhelmed that most of what she felt was downright unpleasant "When?" She asked "When did you figure it out?"

I continued to explain to her. I told her about what I'd learnt from her emotions, I told her what had confused me and it was around then that things began to get it of hand.

"I can't help thinking that you stop yourself being happy because you believe that you should still be mourning for me."

She scowled at me. Emotions flaring in something close to anger. As soon as it registered in my mind it began to take over, making me tense.

"You can't expect me to just get over something like that in a couple of months, I thought you were dead for decades... and I guess now you know how important you were to me... Still are."

I shook his head. "You thought I was dead for seventy years and you were still torturing yourself when I got here." The words sounded cold and harsh but I couldn't seem to stop them. I tried to rein in the anger that was slowly intensifying.

I wasn't worth it, she shouldn't have caused herself so much pain because of me.

"Your my mate!" She cried, and her voice broke at the end. "of course I was still mourning for you... It could have been 100, 150 years later, and I'd still be in exactly the same situation. You have no idea how close I was to just ending it all," she whimpered "I was in Volterra I could have done it..."

"Stop it!" I snapped. Everything in me repelled at the thought of loosing her. This was what the connection between mates did to you.

I felt the anger break from my control, and tried to calm myself down, tried to rein it in like I'd taught myself to but I couldn't "I can't listen to you talking about killing yourself." I said though clenched teeth

Her anger flared and I knew I'd lost the battle. I watched as her fists clenched. "Don't act like I'm the only one" She sneered "Do you know how many times I watched you plan to get yourself killed while you were with that devil woman?... 32!"

I froze.

Alice's words drifted off.

She'd seen that? The days of depression flashed in my mind, my thoughts and plans. The memories of the woman that had driven me to those thoughts. I tried to push them away but Maria's bright crimson eyes reminded. I could feel the ghost of her teeth on my neck. _"You belong here, in my army. Your mine."_ I clenched jaw to stop my shouts of pain as my gift renewed the pain that would have followed that bite.

"Jasper." Alice's voice broke the memory just like that. "Jasper. I'm sorry." She said softly. I took some time to compose myself before speaking again

She knew about the flashbacks...

"I'm sorry you had to see that." I said finally. I Looked away from her, I can't believe she saw me like that. Not even Peter saw me when I was that bad. "neither of us are ready for a relationship yet..." I said. It was true, even if I did feel that way about her I didn't know if I could be that way with her.

She nodded "Ok" she said.

I tried to explain to her what I'd been trying to say. I turned my head to the side slightly to look at her "Your not who you used to be" I said finally.

A feeling of disappointment washed over her. She said before that she wasn't the same was seventy years ago. At the time I hadn't understood what she meant.

"Alice." I said softly

"It's fine" she said dismissively and turned away from me

"No it's not Alice... Look at me." She turned around, her expression blank. "You need to find yourself again. I know you can do it. You just need time. Time that isn't spent mourning me or checking on me... I'm safe here." I tried to reason with her.

"I know you are." She sighed. "It's just hard to convince myself of that sometimes... Besides, when I was my old self I still checked on you"

I chuckled, all that time she'd been watching my every move. "I would have checked on you if I had the ability to" she smiled shyly and looked down "I like you." I said, and I did, just maybe not in the romantic sense of the word. The little glimpses of the old Alice that I'd seen, I'd liked

"but I... I haven't been that close to anyone... since Maria." I told her. I never wanted to be in a relationship like that again. She'd damaged me both physically and mentally. "You might not like what you find out later" I warned.

She laughed nervously "I highly doubt that."

"We'll see" I muttered. Once she knew what kind of a monster I really was, she'd rethink her choices.

"Ahh Jasper, you'll soon learn... Never bet against Alice Cullen." There was a teasing tone to her voice, one I'd never heard before.

"I'll keep that in mind" I smirked.

Once I left, I crossed the hall to my room. Far enough away to give her some space to think, but close enough to hear the flutter of her sketch book pages and the giddy giggle that followed.

**AN- Now we've heard both Alice and Jasper's version of events, the next chapter is where the story continues. Till next time.**

**Please Review! **

**-B x **


	16. Chapter 16

**AN- Today is a very happy day, my 50's dress for my GCSE textiles course is finally finished! **

**This chapter should help explain in more detail why Alice and Jasper have had all those arguments in the last few chapters. And who better to explain than the wise and powerful Carlisle! Enjoy! **

**Carlisle's POV**

I was in my office perfecting yet another fake birth certificate for Renesmee. She'd out grown the last one just like countless others.

Esme sat in the corner of the room with a sketch book in her lap and her pencil flying quickly over the paper. "How old do you think this time?" I asked

Esme laughed lightly "nine...ten?" She said without looking up "it's starting to slow down, hopefully this one will last longer."

"We both know I'll be in the same situation in a couple of months time." I sighed.

"Most likely, Love." She laughed.

We worked in silence for a few minutes before we were startled by a knock on the door. Neither of us had heard anyone approach. I frowned "Come in." I said. The door opened slowly to reveal Jasper. It explained why we didn't hear anything, Jasper moved around the house like a ghost, well like a vampire really. Our human practices had made us more noticeable.

I was shocked since I'd never known Jasper to actively seek anyone out. He answered when spoken to but otherwise he stayed quiet. He stood in the doorway, head down and arms loosely at his sides. Submissive.

His jaw, however remained clenched so I knew he wasn't comfortable with it. He still treated this family like a coven, I understood why, but that didn't stop me wishing he didn't. I'd worked hard to make my family different from other vampire groups, trying to preserve some measure of humanity.

"Hello Jasper." I said, hoping to put him at ease. I also realised that he was waiting for permission to speak.

"Good evening, Sir " He said stiffly. Again with the formalities, he'd been here just over three months and had yet to use my name, only Sir or Dr Cullen. "I was hoping to speak with you." He said quietly. His eyes flicked over to Esme in the corner before turning back to mine. I knew he'd never relax if he was outnumbered.

"Esme Love , could you give us a moment?" I asked. She nodded and stood, smiling sweetly at Jasper before leaving and closing the door behind her. "What is it you'd like to discuss?" I asked.

He eyed me warily. "It was about Alice..." He said slowly, and I wondered briefly if he'd figured out the connection between them yet. "and my gift."

I had a feeling I knew where the conversation was headed but I let him continue. "Go on" I encouraged.

"Would me and Alice being... What we are." So he had figured it out. "Do you know if that would have some effect on how easily my gift influences her."

I could see that it confused him, his eyebrows furrowed even as he said the sentence.

"What have you noticed?" I asked him.

"She seems more... Sensitive to it than others. I can't stop projecting my own emotions all together, but I can control them to some extent. Alice seems to pick up my emotions even when others can't."

I nodded. "Esme told me that she's heard you both arguing." He stiffened backing away slightly.

"That was an accident, Sir."

He'd misunderstood me. Now he thought he was in trouble, I hurried to reassure him. After all it was a stressful time for both of them and Jasper had to feel both sides of it. "I was wondering if the same applied for the other side of your gift also, are Alice's emotions stronger or easier to detect than others?"

He watched me carefully for a few seconds before answering. "Both" he said "The arguments happen because when one of us is angry at the other it gets reflected back and gets stronger every time. It's like she's an empath but can only effect me." He said trying to justify his actions.

This must be very have been hard for him. Our kind, especially those who fed from humans, didn't cope well with change. Empaths had it harder still with all the emotional turmoil, which is why many of them didn't survive their first year. Driven mad with confusion and blood lust.

"To answer you question. Yes, I have seen examples of gifts that are more potent between mates. Bella for example finds it much easier to shield Edward's mind than the rest of there's Edward who sometimes struggles with the thoughts of others has been gifted with a mate that has the capacity to block mental abilities. He is also free of Bella's mind unless she allows it. Their gifts are complementary."

I debated on wether to add the next part, but decided that it was probably for the best. "Then there's Alice, she saw you without any prior knowledge on yourself or your whereabouts, she was tuned into your future from the start. If fate had been kinder then it would have helped her find you."

"It would also make sense for her to be more sensitive to how you feel so she'd know if you were upset or stressed or anxious. The same goes for your sensitivity to her."

He nodded in understanding but soon his eyebrows furrowed and he shook his head. "Your still concerned about Alice's emotions."

His head snapped towards me "how did you?... Emmett." He shook his head "Is there any privacy in this coven?" He muttered.

I laughed "It's taking some getting used to, huh?" He watched me closely, and I wondered what his life was like before he joined us. I could tell it hadn't been a good one, his cautious demeanour and scarred skin told me that.

Alice had told us about the southern wars before the newborn battle. I remembered the pained expression on her face and was only just starting to understand. I wasn't naive enough to think Jasper had come from anywhere else. "What is it that worries you?"

Jasper tried to explain what he'd discovered during his time here. Alice's hidden emotions, I'd always worried about my youngest daughter, I knew that she was afraid of being alone, I'd put that down to waking without anyone or any memories. I had been the same after so many centuries without a companion. It wasn't until I met Esme that the fear left me.

Alice had always been burdened with it. No matter how much we reassured her. I knew she was hiding something from us, whether that was a traumatic event or a completely different personality we didn't know at the time. I should have spoken to her.

To have my suspicions confirmed... It hurt, I should of helped her.

"I always thought... If I ever found a mate, she'd be happier. Alice is a lovely girl, but..." Jasper seemed to struggle to find the words he needed

"It's hard for you to be around her" I finished.

He nodded. "If mates are really as compatible as you say they are, then the girl we see... that can't really be Alice, I couldn't be with her the way she is now."

I sighed resting my head in my hands "Alice is fragile we'll all need to support her, all I can do is ask for your help, maybe then we can find out who she really was."

"Of course, Sir." I watched him closely, he really did care about her, wether the attraction was there or not, the connection between mates was certainly there "Thank you, Sir" He turned slightly and walked towards the door ready to leave.

He stopped, his hand hovering over the door handle. "I've been meaning to ask" he said pausing as if to gauge my reaction "I need to leave for a few days, my friends Peter and Charlotte, they'll be wondering where I am."

"Your old coven?" I asked, he'd never mentioned anything before.

"We weren't a coven" he said "but I'd stay with them every now and then. If I left, I'd check in with them every couple of months, I don't want them to worry."

He was asking permission, I wanted him to know that I didn't control him. "Of course, when do you plan to leave."

"Couple of weeks at the latest, if I don't go they'll come to me... You probably don't want them in the area."

I had to agree, two traditional vampires in the area wouldn't be good, however something else was bothering me "do you plan on returning?" I said quietly, for his sake and for Alice's I hoped he did.

"I'll be gone a couple of days at the most." He reassured me, he paused again, watching me. "I was hoping to take Alice with me."

I was uneasy sending her to meet two vampires that I didn't know. I had only known Jasper a few months but I knew he'd protect her

"If Alice wants to, she can go. I trust you'll look after her. " he nodded again. I could see he was starting to get restless, I'd already noticed before that he didn't like staying in the same place for a long time.

"I think Emmett's been after you" I said giving him the chance he needed to excuse himself. He turned his head to the door before looking down at the papers on my desk. He pointed down at Renesmee's forged birth certificate.

"I know someone who could do that for you, a professional" he said "Based in Seattle"

I thought back, I hadn't known of any of our kind in Seattle since the newborn army. "A vampire?" I asked. It had to be right?

"No human." He said

"Do they know about us?" I questioned

A strange sort of smile graced his lips. "He's usually too afraid to ask" he muttered. "He and I established... an agreement in the late 1980's when I was trying to get some 'legal documents' for Peter and Charlotte so they could open a bank account. I've been using his services and that of his predecessors ever since."

"I see" was all I said. I wasn't keen on funding criminals or pulling a human into our facade, especially with the Volturi undoubtedly keeping their eyes on us. However our forgeries were decent, but defiantly not flawless. Maybe it would be better to start employing a professional. "Would you be able to help me contact him?"

"With all due respect Sir, it might be better to leave that kind of business with me. J. Jenks is a con-man, he needs to be kept in his place. It's been my experience that some working relationships are better motivated by fear than by momentary gain. If you know what I mean." He said darkly. In other words he used his gift to scare the businessman into secrecy.

I still wasn't sure but Jasper's gaze was flicking between me and the door again, which signalled that my time for discussion was up "Maybe we could discuss it later." I said, giving him a way out, Jasper nodded before exiting quietly.

Alice's POV

I had thought long and hard about what Jasper had said. It had been a few days since I showed him my sketch book, and I used the time to remember what the old Alice was like. thinking of all the things I used to do.

Shopping, dancing, drawing, sewing, shopping, singing, painting, writing, shopping, traveling, climbing, swinging, exploring, shopping... Yes, I really did like shopping.

It was never for the vain reason people often thought though. I used to liked the feel of all the different fabrics, from the soft flow of silk to the rough, heavy texture of tweed and denim. I used to like the scents and weights and patterns and colours, I used to like the delicate trims and finishes on each garment.

I used to...

After what happened it just didn't seem important anymore. Since then my wardrobe mainly consisted of jeans, T-shirts, leggings and jumpers, what ever Esme brought back for me. Anything more extravagant had just reminded me of a time when I was happier, a time before I lost him. How could I be happy when he was gone?

But now he wasn't, now I could concentrate on finding that Alice spark that I'd lost all those years ago.

I was sat downstairs at the piano with my legs tucked under me, daydreaming as my fingers stroked the keys idly. That's if you could really call it daydreaming, the vampire mind could handle so many thoughts at one time that it was hard to tell.

Jasper walked in quietly, sitting on the sofa opposite me. "Good morning Miss Alice." I rolled my eyes '_here we go again.'_ Now we'd gotten over the latest hurdle he was back to formalities.

"Good morning Jasper" He'd been quiet the past couple of days, we both had, I didn't quite know where we stood now that he knew the truth. I guess it shouldn't really make a difference he'd known for months, but know I knew he knew.

"Do you play?" He asked, gesturing to the piano.

"A little." I shrugged "Edward taught me."

"You and Edward are close?" He questioned plucking a book from the book shelf. He was going to read himself though the entire collection of Cullen books at the rate he was going.

"Yes, Me and Edward were the odd ones out for such a long time, plus he understands my gift, the things I see, sometimes better than I do." He opened the book, looking at me through his eyelashes

"'_Were'_ the odd ones out." He said quietly

"Well..." I stuttered "He has Bella now... And Renesmee to look after." My hands stiffened over the piano keys

"So you've been lonely?"

'_Yes.' _I closed the lid of the piano lightly and turned to face him

"Not really," I said "I understand that he wants to be with his family. I respect that." He looked at me skeptically.

"You didn't answer my question." He said. Luckily for me Rose chose that moment to enter.

"Alice have you seen Esme. She and I are going shopping for things for Renesmee's birthday party. After all she doesn't turn one every day." I laughed quietly and was joined by Jasper's low chuckle. Rose turned to the dresser to get her purse and car keys

They hadn't invited me. Most likely because every time I'd been asked in the past I'd turned it down. To them I wasn't the bubbly personality I used to be.

It had been a while but I could feel that prick of excitement from so long ago, it was faint but it was there. I sighed wistfully. I used to fill a shopping bag or three in my day. Maybe it was time to continue old habits...

I looked over at Jasper and he was already watching me 'You need to find yourself again.' His voice echoed and as if to support it he nodded his head toward Rose 'Go on.' He mouthed.

I took an unnecessary breath. "Can I come?" I asked. Rosalie spun on her heel to face me.

"You want to go shopping... Willingly?" I rolled my eyes. I wasn't that bad... Was I?

"If that's ok." I said.

"Of course." She laughed, looking at me strangely.

I looked back at Jasper who had a small smile on his face and began to wander wether or not this was a good idea.

**AN- Hope you enjoyed it, I can guarantee that I will NOT be writing again until after Monday so expect the next update to be a couple of days after that. My coursework deadline is on Monday and the workload is ridiculous! So bad that I had to trade a 45 minute maths detention for an hours detention after school every day next week just so I could get some of it done. Yes, my maths teacher hates me.**

**until then... Please Review! **

**-B x **


	17. Chapter 17

**AN- Well. Textiles deadline, done! I'm back until the next round of exams! **

**Anyway I found this chapter was hard to write, which is why you'll find it'll switch to Jasper's POV about half way through. I just found it easier to write this part as him. However, I'm thinking about making Jasper's POV a regular thing instead of recapping like the last time. What do you think?**

**Disclaimer - I do not own Twilight.**

**Alice POV**

"Alice, come on were leaving!" Rosalie called from the car. I peered out the window, watching her tapping her foot quickly in impatience as Esme sat quietly in the back seat.

I sorted through my bag to make sure I had everything.

"That's the third time you've checked that bag." Jasper walked up behind me, seeming to pause slightly before gingerly resting his hand on my shoulder. "What's the matter? You seemed enthusiastic before."

I sighed, "I used to love shopping."

"You still do, I could feel it." He said, his thumb rubbing small circles on my shoulder "what's stopping you?" He asked quietly. It was my silence that provided him with the answer "me?" He sighed.

"it's just, I was shopping when I got that last vision, what if something happens when I'm gone?"

He was quiet for some time before gently pushing me towards the door, and plucked my coat from the rack before holding it out for me. I watch I turned around and carefully slipped my arms in, shivering as his fingers brushed my neck.

"I'm fine here, I won't even leave the house." He reassured me. "Go have some fun for a couple of hours and when you come back I'll be the same boring Jasper I was before you left." He said.

I walked towards the door "Your not boring." I told him. Purposely lingering in the door way.

He shook his head. "Go have some fun." He said again, and with one last look back, I walked over to the car before I could change my mind.

* * *

"Alice!" Rosalie hissed and I felt her grab my hand and pull me forward forcefully. I blinked the haze of visions from my mind and looked up at her. She was scowling at me, her perfect eyebrows drawn over her menacing eyes.

"What?" I asked, she must have asked me something.

"If your just going to zone out every five seconds, go home." She sneered and I took a step away from her.

"Rosalie!" Esme scolded as she walked out from behind a railing.

"She's been checking on him ever since we pulled out of the drive, it's getting ridiculous people are starting to notice." She stood tall, her hands set defiantly on her hips and her voice too low for humans to hear

"And you causing a scene is going to help, is it?" Esme asked under her breath. Rosalie glared at me and tossed her hair before she marched away. Esme turned to me worry etched on her features "Are you ok sweetheart?" She asked quietly.

I stood rubbing my head, checking on Jasper was giving me headaches. "I'm fine" I said stiffly "it's just... too much all at once" I whimpered. "I can't see him properly, he's all blurry."

"Alice he's fine, Carlisle and Emmett are in the house with him."

"I want to go home." I whispered, even though I'd promised my self I wouldn't.

Esme watched me in pity, I usually hated it but but at this point I didn't care.

"Ok," She said reluctantly "I just need to get Jasper some clothes of his own, then we'll go home, I can't bear giving him Emmett's cast offs any longer." I nodded and followed her silently towards the men's section.

She spent a few seconds flicking through the racks before looking up at me hopefully "do you have any idea what size he takes?"

I looked down bashfully. Yes, I did know, I knew everything right down to his shoe size... I even used to buy him clothes before he- ... Before.

I walked over to the rails, running my fingers lightly over the hangers. It was an old practice but maybe I could still ...my eyes clouded with a vision, Jasper wearing the very shirt my fingers now rested on. Dark blue and long sleeved, I plucked it from the rail and handed to to Esme.

That vision was a lot clearer than before, when I was trying to check on him...

Esme watched on in wonder as I pulled another shirt and a matching pair of dark jeans from the rack and handed them to her. "Your a born shopper!" She laughed.

I looked away only to come face to face with Rosalie who had a long purple dress draped over her arm. She was trying her best to ignore me.

Esme walked forward weaving the purple chiffon between her fingers. "Oh it's lovely. im glad you found something, we were just about to head home." She said. Rosalie turned to glare at me before gliding gracefully towards the till.

Esme followed and I walked behind her silently. When Rosalie had reached the till Esme turned to me. "Find your self something nice" she said quietly, gesturing to the rack beside us , I just shook my head.

"Esme please, I just want to go home."

"Pick yourself something nice then we'll go." She persevered, I sighed. I couldn't do this. It was stupid really, that picking a simple piece of clothing could be so hard, but I just couldn't do it. I was tense and aggravated, I needed to know Jasper was ok.

I focused on finding him in my visions. His tall frame was blurred beyond recognition. He was never clear anymore and it worried me, what if he was in trouble? What if he didn't intend to stay? I whimpered in distress.

Esme shook me lightly. "Sweetheart, he's fine" I pulled myself from her hold and ran my hand over the clothes pulling out the first one I got a vision of and handing it to her.

"Please can we go home" I begged.

* * *

It was less than five minutes later when I found myself in the car park standing impatiently by the back of the car as Esme and Rosalie put the bags safely in the boot. I wished they would hurry up.

I focused on Jasper again, a blurry vision was better than no vision at all, right? I watched the blur move across the scene, he was fine I reassured myself and I'd be back home soon to check on him.

I blinked the vision away, and was able to catch Esme and Rosalie's horrified faces only milliseconds before the smell hit me.

Fresh human blood.

* * *

Esme pulled me through the front door and Rosalie followed soon after. "Carlisle!" Esme shouted.

"Look what you've done." Rosalie hissed as she passed. I cowered away from her and out of Esme's grasp. Carlisle appeared less than a second after he was called and Edward followed him.

That was when all eyes turned to me. Even the bright crimson of my reflection in the mirror opposite me. I was cowered in the corner, blood staining my face and neck. It was spilled down my front and dried on my hands and underneath my fingernails.

The voices of my family members were muffled and there was a ringing in my ears. I pushed myself further into the corner my unbidden purrs breaking into whimpers.

What had I done?

The only thing that seemed to cut through the din was a low growl from the top of the stairs. I barely had time to look up when Edward pushed Jasper to the floor.

Jasper had come at me teeth bared, he'd been after the human blood laced in my clothes.

His growls turned into panicked pants and gasps and he struggled against Edward. Jasper's eyes were wide in fear as he snarled at him. I could see his mind was right back in the blood wars.

"Stop it! Your frightening him! Stop it." I screamed.

"Edward let him up." Carlisle ordered

"Are you mad?" He grunted, dodging the snap of Jasper's teeth.

"He must learn to resist." Carlisle reasoned.

"Not with my sister he's not" Edward hissed and Jasper managed to flip them over and jump up. Carlisle stood in between Jasper and myself Making him pause long enough for Edward to crouch in front of me protectively.

"Hold your breath." Carlisle instructed. Jasper snarled and tried to move past him, but Carlisle blocked his way "Hold. Your. Breath" he said again slowly. Jasper pushed past him facing Edward who snarled menacingly at him. "It's Alice, Jasper." Carlisle said

To my surprise Jasper stiffened. "Hold your breath." He said again, and I watched the movement of his gradually chest stop. His fists and jaw were clenched his shoulders tense. Fighting with himself. Eventually he turned to me. His eyes were black with hunger and looked straight into my own, but the blood lust was gone.

He backed himself away slowly. "Well done Jasper." Carlisle praised, moving to put a hand on his shoulder but stopping when Jasper flinched away.

By now the rest of the family had gathered around us watching. Carlisle sighed "pack up" he said "were moving."

I shrunk back into the corner, sliding down the wall and putting my head in my hands.

This was all my fault.

* * *

**Jasper's POV**

My throat was searing like a hot iron, it took all my will just to stay still. The Cullen's were whizzing around the house packing up there belongings, I guess that was the problem with having so much stuff. Boxes were pulled out from behind a dresser and the useless plates and cutlery were packed away.

I wasn't sure what to do. I didn't know what they wanted me to do, they hadn't told me. I looked around my head spinning slightly as different emotions flew around the house.

My eyes finally came to rest on Alice. Curled in the corner with her arms around her head. I wanted more than anything to go over to her but she was soaked in blood and far too tempting for her own good.

I was holding my breath now but I knew I could snap at any moment. Alice was shaking and whimpering and the pull towards her was getting stronger, begging me to comfort her, but there was another pull, a sinister one that screamed at me to just have one taste of the blood on her skin.

I was going to find someone to comfort her, but they were all too caught up in packing. Esme shot past and stopped by my side a large box balanced on her hip. "Could you take her upstairs, clean her up." I shook my head, not trusting myself to breathe in and speak. Was she crazy? "I know it's hard for you, I'd do it myself but..." She gestured to the rest of the family. "We weren't expecting an emergency move"

I realised that this was about the only thing I could do to help. I grunted in displeasure, to tell her I wasn't happy with it. Though in my experience she wouldn't understand anyway.

I moved towards Alice slowly to make sure I could get away if I needed to.

Her breath was ragged with stress and her hands were wound in her short hair. Her eyes were darting around as the rest of the family hurried about. Being down here wasn't helping her at all.

"Alice" my voice was hoarse with thirst, and just that one word had used half the air I had left in my lungs.

Her eyes flicked to mine, now bright crimson and full of fear. I turned my head towards the stairs, gesturing for her to follow me, but she just stared through me.

Again I moved closer. Pulling on her hand, willing her to come with me. Now I was touching her her panic was beginning to overtake.

"Alice, please." I pleaded, the last of my air gone.

I pushed a hand through my hair, collecting myself before picking her and running into what was my room. I placed her at the top of the bed where she resumed her previous position with her knees tucked up to her chest.

I stepped back until my back hit the door. My hands and shirt were coated in congealing blood and I had to resist the urge to lift my fingers to my lips just to have a taste. My throat burned at the thought.

Alice was shaking, sobs racking her small frame. I could feel her getting worse and worse as time went on.

I remembered this morning when I'd placed my hand on her shoulder while she was panicking about shopping, it had calmed her then... She was far worse now, granted, but what else could I do?

I took another look at her, dried blood on her cheeks and neck and matted in her hair. She'd obviously been pulled off her victim and the blood had spilled from her mouth. I had to get that blood off her before I could think straight.

I ran to the bathroom, turning on the tap to fill the sink and grabbed a washcloth from the cupboard, throwing it in the water. I chanced a deep breath. The scent of soap, steam and fresh linen managed to overpower the blood on my hands and shirt, but only just.

I stopped breathing again and went to fetch Alice. I found her unmoving but staring intently at the door, watching for me. I picked her up and carried her to the bathroom. Pulling over a laundry basket for her to sit her on.

I looked down at her clothes, bloody and ripped and pushed her sleeve over her shoulder to check she had something underneath before tugging the bloody jumper over her head, She lifted her hands like a child would and I was careful not to get any more blood on her

The blood on her skin was cold, but I could feel it under my fingers. I tried to ignore it, forget about it. I gently pulled her hands out from her hair but it only moved my attention to my hands, coated in a thin layer of blood.

Human blood.

Just one taste. I lifted my fingers to my lips. Just one taste.

I felt Alice's small fingers wrap around my wrist, pulling my hand away. She whimpered at me, pulling it further away from my mouth.

I shook my head to clear the blood lust and plunged my hands into the water watching it turn pink.

I turned off the tap and picked up the washcloth, wringing it out before pressing it to her face and wiping the blood from her cheeks.

I purred at her, it was a more effective use of what little breath I had, and seemed to work best on her anyway. She purred back softly, turning her head slightly when I needed to wash her neck. She was watching me closely with her newly crimson irises.

I pushed her hair back from where it stuck to her face. My eyes still on hers. She really was beautiful...

I looked away, now wasn't the time.

The water in the sink was red so I pulled the plug before refilling it.

I concentrated on her hair next, tilting her head back towards the sink and rinsing it in the hot water.

I remembered what she'd told me about the asylum, they must have cut her hair because this wasn't a style from the 20's. There was evidence of the asylum everywhere if you looked hard enough. She was very thin, the transformation had filled her out a bit, but you could see the shape of the bones in her shoulders and collarbones. I wondered how anyone could think to mistreat Alice like that.

She'd calmed down slightly now. Her shoulders were still tense, but the sobs and whimpers had stopped.

It had been a long time since I'd looked after someone. Yes, I'd raised the newborns but they were more like pigs for slaughter. I enjoyed looking after Alice, don't get me wrong, I wish it hadn't happened like this, I wished she'd talk to me.

I chanced a breath, the scent of blood was still there, but it was diluted with water. Contaminated. "It wasn't your fault" I told her. She looked up but didn't reply.

I finished her hair, we were almost done here. I changed the water again and turned her to face the skin "hands." I said quietly, she unhooked them from the tops of her arms and I gently pulled them into the water.

I rubbed at the creases in her palms and between her fingers. Her nails were short so it wasn't hard to get the blood from underneath them.

"All done." I said. She didn't say anything. I could feel she was still in shock, but she surprised me by lifting her hand to my cheek. I could feel her trying to send me gratitude, no one had ever tried to send me emotions before. I nodded to show her I felt it and understood.

I took her hand from my cheek and used it to pull her up, this time she walked with me. I guided the to her own room, before crouching in front of her, meeting her eyes. "Get changed." I told her, standing to leave.

She stopped me by gripping my shirt, looking at the blood stains from when I'd carried her. She shot off and was back within a second with a new shirt in her hands, the tag still hanging from the collar. She handed it to me gingerly.

"Thank you." I said and turned towards my room, I'd be back to help her pack.

**AN- I bet you weren't expecting that. I wasn't until Alice was stood in a vision in the car park. Then I thought, why not? **

**Thank you for all the reviews on the last chapter. Six! They made my day while I was stressing over that course work.**

**Please Review!**

**-B x**


	18. Chapter 18

**AN- Thank you again for all the supportive reviews, your all stars! I managed to get you all an extra chapter while I tried to find a kennel for my dog while we're away. Turns out finding a kennel that can fit a great dane is not the easiest of tasks. But hey, you got two new chapters as a result the next one will be up in a couple of days.**

**Disclaimer- I do not own Twilight.**

**Alice's POV**

I felt like a child. Now that he'd left, I only just began to realise how childish I'd been. I can't believe I just sat there while he washed the blood from my skin. Treating me like I was some incapable infant, which was exactly how I'd acted. It was embarrassing.

Then there was the blood itself, his throat must be searing. For him to have to touch it and still resist... It must have been agonising. He wouldn't get the chance to hunt till we got to the new house either.

His touch, so caring and gentle. It felt nice, I've got to admit, but I didn't deserve to enjoy his touch, not after what I'd just done to that poor man in the car park.

I ran my hands through my hair, which was still damp, and walked over to the closet in the corner of my room, pulling out the first clothes I found and putting them on. I threw my old ones into the bathroom along with my jumper and turned on the shower to dilute the smell, watching the water turn pink.

once the smell had gone I turned the shower off and returned to my room

About twenty minutes later there was a soft knock on the door, I'd been sat on my bed trying to find something worth packing, so far, I had nothing. I got up and opened the door.

Jasper stood with a duffel bag tossed over his shoulder, the same one he'd arrived with. He was dressed in the shirt I'd gave him and his hair was damp like mine, he must have taken a shower in the other bathroom. "Do you need help packing?" He asked.

I shook my head but left the door open for him to come in. I pulled an old leather bag from under my bed and started to throw some of my clothes into it, there was nothing about this room I'd miss. "There's a moving van downstairs, do you want anything taking down?" I shook my head again, and knelt on the floor by my closet.

I pulled the wicker box from it's hiding place and placed it on the bed, quickly checking my satchel to make sure my sketchbook and journal remained safe inside.

I turned and gathered a hairbrush and a pair of sunglasses from my desk and pulled out the draw that my money was hidden behind before putting all accept the sunglasses in the bag. If we passed through a town I'd need them just in case.

Esme walked in then. "Alice sweetheart, are you alright." I looked away from her. Was she serious? I'd just drained an innocent man and caused the whole family to uproot and move and she was asking if I was alright. "What do you want us to take down to the van."

"I've already asked. She doesn't want anything." Jasper told her

"But-" Esme started, luckily, feeling my anger Jasper intervened.

"Your not selling the house, if she changes her mind, we can come back." I could feel him sending her waves of acceptance.

"I guess so " she said and turned and began to fold my clothes, my fists clenched, why was she helping me?

Jasper's fists clenched as well. "Calm down" he snapped. Esme's head turned towards us. She watched me carefully.

She zipped up my leather bag of clothes and put it over her shoulder ready to take down stairs before turning to us "We need to leave within the hour" she said "could you check the attic"

Jasper nodded beside me "of course ma'am."

Esme leaned forward and picked up my wicker box, I growled at her, it was mine, it's all I had left. I jumped forward to snatch it from her grasp. Esme backed away in fear and I felt hands grab my waist and pull me back "Alice, stop it" Jasper shouted.

I heard my box hit the floor and turned to see the contents scattered across the floor. I tried to go and pick them up before Esme saw them but Jasper pulled me back again turning so he was between me and Esme. "Stop it." he said again.

I whimpered at him, begging him to let go. I looked around him at Esme, who was stood in the door way, eyes were glued to the books in front of her.

Luckily my journal had been bound shut. Not even I had looked at that since 1937, but some of the papers from my sketchbook had fallen out during the fall and my drawings were thrown across the carpet.

Pictures of me and Jasper, holding hands, me on his lap... Stolen kisses. Pictures of the whole family together and happy. All my secrets. Esme looked at every single one.

I watched the recognition in her eyes build as she spotted the satchel, the same one I had snatched from her all those years ago when she barely knew me. Now she'd seen the drawings she'd know just how little she knew now.

I whimpered again, desperately pulling against Jasper's grip. Esme's eyes met mine "Alice I'm sorry I didn't realise it was in there"

"You knew she kept them?" Jasper asked. Esme shook her head.

"It's the same bag she had when she joined us... I'd tried to take it from her then and got the same reaction I did just now" she looked back down at my pictures and covered her mouth with her hand to stifle her sobs "Oh Alice."

I kept pulling against Jasper, crying now as well. "Let her go" Esme said and left the room, I heard her hurried footsteps going down the stairs.

I went limp in Jasper's hold and he lowered me to the floor. There was no point in struggling anymore, Jasper had seen most of them anyway. I wanted to be angry at him but I couldn't, he'd just been protecting Esme.

I picked up the drawings one by one piling them together, each one showing a part of me I'd lost. I picked up one of me and Esme. It was of me doing her hair but there was a mirror in the picture that showed our faces, smiling and happy.

I was supposed to be her daughter, and I'd just gone at her teeth bared and growling.

I pushed the pile away with a frustrated sob, all I'd done was upset and scare her quicker than you could say 'secrets'.

Jasper pulled me off the floor and sat me on the bed. He knelt in front of me. "Go and check the attic, I'll sort these out." I debated, looking down at my journal, he noticed "Trust me" he said. I rubbed my eyes, mentally exhausted and got up to leave.

I picked up my journal at the last second on the way out , hearing Jasper's sigh as I turned the corner.

* * *

We were sat in the the car, ready to drive out of Forks forever, well we would be back, we always did come back, but by then there'd be no more visits from Charlie at the weekends, No wolf pack around to steal Esme's cooking. Though I'd not seen either since Jasper arrived, I'd missed them, and I never got to say goodbye.

Jasper handed me my box, placing it gently in my lap, but I pushed it off and into the middle seat.

Once we were all ready, the engine started and we were off. I turned and watched the house disappear before sitting down not bothering fasten my seatbelt. We were in the same car as Carlisle and Esme, I'd received two worried looks as I entered the car but I ignored them.

Everyone was tense as we drove through town, Jasper was thirsty, really thirsty. It was dark right now, around eleven at night but there were still a few people wandering the sidewalk. In a way it made it all the more tempting, there was no one around to catch you.

When the scent of humans worked its way thought the vents in the car Jasper stiffened. "Hold your breath" Carlisle gave him the same advice he had this afternoon.

I could feel my throat start to burn, I didn't understand, I'd drank human blood less than five hours ago I shouldn't be thirsty for at least a week. I wrapped a hand around my throat trying to ease the burn but it wouldn't fade, it was getting stronger. Jasper and I both hissed in pain.

I saw Carlisle's eyebrows furrow in the rear view mirror. "Jasper, can you project thirst?" He asked worry laced in his tone. Jasper nodded stiffly. "Listen, I can stop one of you feeding but not both, you need to stop influencing her."

"You know I can't block it from her" Jasper spoke through gritted teeth.

"You have to try, whatever it takes."

There was a long silence while Jasper battled against his gift, but the thirst didn't ease. I pulled the door handle trying to get out, I wanted blood. Jasper's eyes flicked to me before he focused on Carlisle in the rear view mirror "Concentrate on the road" he said.

Suddenly my limbs felt like lead and we both went limp. My eyes were half closed but I could see the car swerve and Esme go limp as well. The car turned back on track but the driving was unsteady. As we turned we fell like rag dolls, landing at awkward angles. Jasper's head fell onto my lap and I ended up lying against his side.

We were stuck like that for hours on end, eventually Carlisle's driving turned back to normal and Esme, though she seemed a bit dazed, managed to straighten herself up. I tried to move, speak, anything, but I couldn't.

"Good heavens! What's was that." Esme's voice was slow and sluggish, far from her usual soft mothering tone.

"I can only assume that was Jasper's solution, though I'm not sure what it was." I noticed that Carlisle's voice was effected in the same way.

"It was like being on the verge of sleep, don't you think?" She asked.

"I don't remember what it feels like to sleep." He answered almost wistfully. Esme stroked his hand gently.

"Do you think they're ok?" She asked after a while looking back at us."shouldn't they be... Awake like us?"

"They should be ok once Jasper pulls around, because of the bond between mates Jasper's gift effects Alice a lot more strongly than It does you or me. " Carlisle turned to look at us "He's worried about her, that's why he came to see me last week."

This was news to me, I hadn't know about his talk with Carlisle, or about his gift being stronger with me. I didn't think he was worried about me.

"We're all worried about her." Esme replied, her voice cracking.

"What's the matter, Love?" Carlisle asked in concern.

"Remember that satchel she had with her the day she joined us?" She asked. He nodded, frowning. He was probably recalling the way I'd snarled at his wife.

"I haven't seen it since that day" he said. "I'd assumed she'd gotten rid of it."

Esme shook her head "It's in that wicker box, the one she carries every time we move."she sighed. "I tried to pick it up today, she tried to snatch it back and I dropped it... Carlisle it's full of drawings, her drawings, her old visions. She looks like a different girl."

I was a different girl, even with Jasper back I wasn't myself, no matter how much I denied it I still acted like he was gone. I wanted my old self back, I wanted it badly. Things would be even better now I had a family to share my life with, I had Jasper.

"I know what it's like living without your mate, the night we met in that hospital, I never wanted you to leave. At the time I thought I was stupid, I'd only known you for a couple of hours. When you left, I coped because I knew you were alive and well... But Alice, she watched jasper for close to eighteen years, then thought him dead. If that happened to you, I don't know how I would have coped, to know a future that would never play out."

Carlisle sighed "I know, Love. Now we know the problem, we can help fix it. Jasper has some idea of what she used to be like, he'll help her far more than we ever could."

I all I wanted to do was reach over the back seat and hug them both, but I was frozen in my place

"I'm glad she has him, she's been alone far too long." She giggled "Our family is finally complete." Carlisle chuckled with her.

We pulled into the new house quite a while later, I could hear the gravel crunch beneath the tires. I still couldn't move and Jasper hadn't moved either. I heard the car doors open and close as Esme and Carlisle climbed out. I'd expected Jasper to have lifted his gift by now but he hadn't.

Ten minutes later the concern in my families voices began to rise and so did my panic. Was Jasper alright?

I heard the sound of Edward's Volvo coming up the driveway 'Edward' I called in my mind.

"Alice is fine" He told everyone "I can hear her"

'What about Jasper?' I asked mentally

"Slow down, give me a chance Alice." I waited patiently, 30 seconds, one minute, two minutes. "Someone get him some blood" he said finally.

It was about ten minutes later that I heard the thump of flesh against the gravel, and the sound of the car door opening behind me, I felt someone's hands under my arms as they pulled me upright, the scent told me it was Edward. "Emmett I want you to slit its throat and stand back quickly" he said seriously.

I heard the rip of soft flesh and seconds later the weight of Jasper's head left my lap and I was pulled from the car.

The lead like feeling was gone and I 'woke' with a jolt, the fake burn returned in my throat and I tried to go after the blood that Jasper was now consuming. Edward held me back, I struggled only until I felt the burn ease as Jasper drank, it was his thirst, not mine.

It was then that the shaking began, I started quaking uncontrollably in Edward's arms. Jasper went to stand but swayed, dis orientated. Emmett caught him, ignoring his flinch and lowering him to the ground. He was shaking too.

Edward placed me beside Jasper, and Carlisle crouched in front of us both.

"Jasper do you know what's happening?" He asked.

Jasper nodded, and Edward spoke for him "he says he's done it once before, the shaking is just part of it, it should stop in a few minutes."

Jasper seemed to pull round quicker than I did. He was up and carrying me into the house while my hands still shook.

"An extremely intense dose of lethargy" he told Carlisle as they walked "It's the closest I can get a vampire to sleep. However it usually incapacitates me when I use it to its fullest, which means I can't pull myself out of it. i guessed it would give you enough time to get away from last time I used it on myself I was stuck until I got so thirsty that instinct overtook everything else."

"When did you use it last?" Carlisle asked and I felt Jasper's arms stiffen beneath me, and he looked down at me strangely.

"I was in a lot of pain." Was all he said, but it didn't take a genius to figure out what he meant. Maria.

**_AN- Wasn't all that pleased with this chapter and the ending is pretty rubbish but hopefully the next one will be better _**

**_Please Review!_**

**_-B x _**


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